dude, this blows

So, my boss is letting people leave early due to the weather (some left as early as 1:00). This girl can't, however, since she has to work at the freakin' crisis line at 4:30pm....ah, life's not fair sometimes. I'd love to go home so I can hang out with my favorite Canadian (who may be doing inappropriate things with the exercise belt, I'm not sure.....work your core, dude!), but it is not to be....y'all be careful out there. You know how St. Louisans drive during inclement weather.....

I've been invaded

Canada is here! Yay! :) After a bit of a delay (you can't count on Amtrak to ever be on time....), we arrived safely at my apartment. Funny how you can not see someone for five years and totally just pick up right where you left off....we talked and laughed until around 2am, at which point I was told I needed to get some sleep (probably a good idea since I had to be up today at 6am), but who can sleep when you've had your second wind (or third, or fourth)? I swear there was one point where I almost wet my pants-it was around 1am, and we heard this strange noise outside, so we looked through the blinds to see what it was. Well, it was my neighbor wheeling down the trash can (why at 1am, I have no idea), he looked up right as we looked through the blinds, so he totally saw us spying on him.....good times (guess you had to be there and/or have been sleep deprived). So, I attempted to go to sleep at 2am which really didn't work so well for me and then my other neighbor was up at like 4:30 making a lot of freakin noise and slamming doors etc, etc, etc. And someone was cooking too because the smell of whatever it was filled my apartment...yuck. Anywho, 6am rolled around before I knew it. I tried to be quiet so as to not wake up little Darin, but that apparently didn't work....as I was trying to quietly sneak down the stairs to leave, I hear "have a good day fellow ridiculously good looking person!" which scared me to death (I think I actually jumped). I feel bad that he has to fend for himself today, but a sista's gotta work! :) I'm off tomorrow so we shall have a day of fun. My boss suggested the City Museum which is ALWAYS a good time...it's supposed to snow like eight inches today though, so we will have to see what the weather brings first. He should be used to snow, he's from Canada. Right?

LIGHT SENSITIVITY GIRL ALERT: Well, her terrible condition must have been cured because she is no longer wearing the sunglasses and hoodie in the office. Nope, now we have a new issue......she apparently has a stalker (yes, that's right). But don't worry, he's been caught and is now in jail....THANK GOD.....Just when I thought she couldn't get any crazier....you miss this stuff, don't you Heidi???? :)

Did that really happen?

I'm pretty sure I talked to Canada on the phone last night.....I actually had to look at my phone this morning to see if I imagined it or not. It's not like he called real late-it was only 10pm, but I was really, really tired last night and fell asleep somewhere around 9pm (after nearly falling asleep on the couch at like 8:30-I'm awesome), only to wake up to see what time it was around 10-as I was sitting up to look at the clock, I hear "I don't want no scrubs....." and realized it was my phone ringing. I saw an "816" area code and thought-there's only one person I know in the KC area right now that would be calling me......God love Canada and his procrastination/lack of planning ahead....it's part of your charm, right DJT? :) Well, after I informed him I had to work until 8:30pm tonight, he was able to find a train that would get him here around 9-perfect. So, tonight I will finally get to see my Favorite Friend from the Great White North, I can't wait!!!! He even advised me that Deven may make an appearance at the ol' college gang reunion happy hour on Friday....I hope, because it's been years since I've seen him too. YAY! Can't wait to hang with all my old peeps and reminisce about the old South Yeater days.....only this time it will be minus the cop trying to bust us for drinking underage.....perhaps a hockey fight or two may be in order. That, or some steamrolling. I was gonna say "dry boning" but can you really say that on a family blog???? HA! HA! HA! I mean, I could have used Cabin Boy's favorite term "skull f**king", but that would be completely inappropriate.....I can't wait to hear about Canada's KC trip-I know he got to see Uriah, Jamie/Cheryl, the elusive Cabin Boy and the even more elusive Todd. Good times. This little reunion would be perfect if Nate were around, but, unfortunately, I think Colorado is a bit far away....he's off living the Jeff City dream (inside joke).

Julie Zoell-Patrick saved me from a deadly venomous spider today....it was in my cubicle, we named it Charlotte. I didn't want it in my cube any longer and screamed for someone to do away with the gigantic beast (Julie said it was big if you compared it to say, a tick). Charlotte put up a fight, but her life was finally ended by my hero, Julie. I think it was a Brazillian Wandering Spider, the most venomous spider in all the world (we learned that at trivia night a couple of weeks ago). Mike said I was being a drama queen about the whole thing, but I don't think so.....

I think our Mardi Gras plans are shaping up. Much like my dear friend Canada, my girls and I tend to make plans at the last minute (it's part of our charm too). We have a place where we are going, now we just need 1. a place to meet up (there are 8 of us) and 2. a time to meet up. Other than that, Mardi Gras, here we come! Oh and Canada-we need to go get you some beads. That is, unless you plan on earning them the old fashioned way......

Rumor has it.....

my co-worker Julie has just informed us that New Kids On The Block are GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!! OMG! Amy Henson advised that if they come here for a concert we are SO THERE. I feel like a 12 year old girl all over again........

Thanks Dad!

I'm thinking of a funny story that happened on Sunday. I was at church with my parents, minding my own business (actually I was checking my hair for split ends, but whatever....) when this older woman in front of us turned around, looked at me and said "so, where do you go to school?". Flattered that she assumed I was college aged, I replied "oh, I've been out of school for a long time". To which my dear ol' dad chimed in "yea, she's almost 32". Thanks dad. :) The lady then proceeded to advise me that there is no way I look my age, blah blah blah. I ate it up, because really, as my 32nd birthday approaches, I am holding on to that youthful look by the very tips of my fingernails......

So, I still don't know if there will be a Canada sighting today or tomorrow. Rumor has it that our little Canadian friend will be making his way to St. Louis either today or tomorrow-I'll believe it when I see it. :) I am so excited to see him, I can hardly stand it!!!! I'm sure I'll be blogging about our adventures soon as he is gonna be here until Sunday. Good times.

Barbed wire

Only to me and only in Salem. My not-so-good luck continued this weekend. It started with my concussion on Friday (the symptoms of which got worse Friday night-near fainting and seeing flashes of light...I didn't tell my mom because she would have made me go to the ER and I was soooo NOT going to the Salem Memorial District Hospital ER.....no thank you. I'm better now anyway). Saturday was a pain free day, no freak accidents, no running in to anything. I hung out with the 'rents and played with the dogs (who make me laugh just looking at them). My brother and I went to the movies Saturday night and saw Remember the Spartans. Now, I thought it was terrible but when my brother also thought it was terrible, I knew it really was because he likes all the really stupid movies (Superbad, anyone?). When we got to our parents house, we decided to let the dogs in the basement (country dogs live outside, but it was cold that night). Tim went to the basement door to let them in. I asked him how he was going to call them without waking up mom and dad (it was around 1am), he was all cocky and said "just watch". Well, he let out this whistle that I could barely hear and I was right next to him. Next thing I know, the dogs came running down. I just looked at him and said "ok, Dog Whisperer!" and we both started laughing....then he said, what's that guys name? Pedro Martinez?"-I then proceeded to laugh so hard that I swear I almost wet my pants...when I corrected him (and pointed out that Pedro Martinez was a baseball player, not a dog whisperer), Tim said "same thing". Nice. I then had those kind of giggles where you can't stop no matter how hard you try. Nothing like getting a second wind at 1am!

Sunday, mom made a nice big breakfast (yum!) and I relayed the Dog Whisperer story to her...when I got to the punchline, mom looked at me blankly and was like "what? That is his name (Pedro Martinez)." When I corrected her as well, she said "oh, well I knew it was some Hispanic name". Nice Mother......We went to church and then on to Wal-Mart (I only went twice this weekend...that's a new low!). My plan was to head back to St. Louis right after church as I had many hours of cleaning ahead of me at home (there really is nothing like the threat of house guests to get your ass in gear!). Dad took my suitcase out to my car for me, came back in the house and said "we have a problem". Seems one of my tires had a piece of BARBED WIRE sticking out of it. Not something you hear of everyday. So, needless to say, I was gonna need a new tire. Well, there are no tire places open in Salem on a Sunday (not like here where there is a Dobbs on every corner....), so we had to go to Rolla (approximately 30 miles away), mom and dad followed me to make sure I didn't have a blowout on the highway....I wasn't stressed about the tire, I was stressed about the fact that it was now 2pm and I had planned on being home by now.....

I had heard rumors before that the tires of my car are expensive-well we found out the rumors are true. We went to the Wal-Mart in Rolla, they had the tires I needed but also informed me it was gonna take two hours......TWO HOURS??????? That almost made me cry....they were asking all sorts of questions-do you want this? do you want that? I was like-I don't care, just put the damn tires on. We realized we had a bit of a situation-see I had some frozen Lean Cuisine's in my car that we figured would keep until I got home, but definitely wouldn't keep for two hours...in the sun. And wouldn't you know it, Wal-Mart had none of those little Styrofoam coolers in stock...we improvised, however. We bought a storage container, filled it with ice and pronounced it our "Ozarkian Cooler". Bingo, worked like a charm. So, while we waited, we decided to go eat since none of us had eaten lunch. While eating, dad looked at me and said "Well, Happy Birthday". I realized he was talking about the tires-that was WAY too nice of them and I felt a bit guilty about it....I realize I have the GREATEST parents in the world and I have no idea what I'd do without them....anyway, so the car finally got finished and I was on the road at about 4:15. What a smooooooth ride! Guess it made up for the curb I hit last week that threw my alignment all out of whack........

I spent the evening last night cleaning like a mad woman. Laundry, dusting, dishes, trash, you name it-I was doing it. Here's a visual for you-I needed to get an old dresser out to the curb because today is bulk trash day. The dresser wasn't heavy, but I live upstairs, so imagine little 'ol me trying to drag a huge dresser down the stairs....I did it, by God! What's funny is that I went back outside probably 20 minutes later and the dresser was gone! The dumpster divers didn't waste any time picking up that special jewel! Not sure what they're gonna do with it, considering it had no drawers........

Re Re moment of the day

Mike Tinnin is making fun of me for my re re moment of the day. I was entertained by it too....at first. But as the day has gone on, I am feeling more and more crappy and am a bit concerned that I may have given myself a slight concussion.....

Ok, it was 6:30am, I was kneeling down in my dining room putting stuff in my bag. When I went to stand up, my forehead connected with the corner of my dining room chair. I stumbled back a bit and, yes, I did see stars temporarily. Tears instantly came to my eyes and my head (that was already hurting mind you) was not feeling too well. I have a LOVELY goose egg in the middle of my forehead now. It would be funny except for the fact that I have also been nauseated all day (and have actually thrown up-sorry to be gross) and a bit dizzy. I have been trying to downplay it as I really don't want to have to admit that my retardedness may have caused a mild concussion. I looked up the symptoms of a concussion on webmd.com and I have all of them except for the blacking out.

I swear, can I not go a week without injuring myself in some sort of way? Should I just go ahead and move into the Loving Care Home down the street (for the mentally ill and those that cannot care for themselves.....)? Seriously, can someone go down to the Office of Guardianship Affairs in Jefferson City and apply to be my guardian?

Stories from the southside

My co-worker at the crisis line, Hallie, is the cutest and sweetest lil' thang (isn't she Heidi?). She is also quite funny and sarcastic. Yesterday when I walked in to the call center, she was sitting there with her sunglasses on. Had she too come down with Light Sensitivity Disorder? I just looked at her laughing and she said "what, it's bright in here!". And I said "oh, I thought maybe you had some sort of disorder". Everyone around proceeded to giggle. Then Laura Coleman noticed my sunglasses in my hand and asked "do you have the disorder too?". Ok, guess you had to be there. Anyway, speaking of Light Sensitivity Girl, I worked with her last night and she didn't have on the hoodie or the sunglasses. What is this, I asked myself. Could she be......cured? Stay tuned to find out....

I have a new crazy co-worker to talk about. She is at my full time job and I have discovered that just about everyone who comes in contact with her hates her. Now, personally, I avoid any and all eye contact and/or conversation with her because I picked up on the crazy her first day there. I have two words-PERSONALITY DISORDER. Today, I went over to the printer to get some stuff I printed (I have to print everyone's caseload daily and it is often a lot of paper used) and Crazy Girl walked over and just totally started cussing out either the printer or me, I'm not too sure. I thought perhaps she had Tourette's because this cursing episode was totally unprovoked. She was ranting and raving about how we should have two printers, blah, blah, blah, I heard the words "f**k", the "GD" word that I hate, "s**t" and I'm sure many others. What was I doing while all of this was going on? I was just standing there looking at her with this amazed (yet slightly amused) look on my face. Wow. Have I mentioned she has a mullet as well?

Ok, so I took my car to my Mazda dealership today to get my windshield wiper fixed. Ever since we had ice on Tuesday, my drivers side wiper wouldn't move. Not good when you have salt and crap all over your windshield and you can't clean it off. Anyway, I called Mazda prior to heading over and the guy assured me it would be a quick fix and he wouldn't even write up a ticket on it. So, with my boss's permission, I headed out to Ellisville. When I got there, the mechanic guy opened the hood, did something, came back in and said "your bla-bidi-blah on your yakity schmakity flipped, it's working now". Given that I don't speak Car-ese, I just thanked him and proceeded to drive away (but not before I gave my wipers a good test with the ol' windshield washer fluid....worked like a charm!).

Wow, I had a lot to say today. :)

Are you kidding me?

So our dear, dear Governor Matt Blunt has announced he is not running for a second term because he has "already accomplished all he wanted to accomplish". Are you kidding me? What did he accomplish besides ruining the state? I mean, seriously. Guess we'll have to get a Democrat in there to clean up his poo (as Mike would say).

This has been my political rant of the day. Oh, and GO OBAMA!

40,000 miles and still going strong!

My poor baby car hit 40,000 miles last night....in less than two years. Yikes. At least she's still running fine....of course, there is that little fact that the windshield wipers broke on Tuesday (daddy, can you help your baby girl out? I'll be there tomorrow....) and I still (after a year and a half) have not had the crack in the windshield fixed (Canada-and you think YOU procrastinate...), but other than that, she's doing ok.

I realized I haven't blogged much this week. To my loyal following, I apologize. Something struck me as funny the other day. I was recalling a conversation I had with some of my aunt's on Saturday. They were all saying they wanted to meet my friends Mike and Canada, as well as Light Sensitivity Girl. Why did this strike me as funny? Well, I realized that there are now "sub characters" if you will, as part of my blog and they have their own separate following! So, I don't know who's on Team Mike, or Team Canada, or Team Light Sensitivity Girl (and trust me, you really don't want to meet her....). Are there any publishers out there? I wanna get this thing published.... :) I promise I'll share some of the profits with my "sub characters". :)

I am getting so excited that I can't hardly stand it. Canada will be here either Tuesday or Wednesday. Of course, my initial reaction to hearing this news was panic, because my apartment is still a mess, and I'm gonna be out of town all weekend so I'm not exactly sure when it's gonna get cleaned, but mostly I'm just excited! Canada-you'll be getting a house key since I won't be home until late on both nights, but whatever. Do you have enough street cred to walk the city streets alone? Just wondering. I saw a Labatt's Blue truck this morning on my way to work and it made me think of you.

Can I tell you that this working out thing is GREAT? Not that I am the bionic woman now by any means, but I'm telling you, everything is tighter (except for my clothes), my boss called me skinny today and I am down nine pounds. My boss is doing the same workout, but has been doing it a few months longer than me. She told me a couple of days ago that she noticed for the first time that she is developing lines in her abs-you know-the good, MUSCLE lines. She is my hero and I strive to have that happen to me. It will. Oh, and let me tell you, I actually have muscle in my arms. Not that I could beat anyone at arm wrestling quite yet, but I'm on my way! Be scared people! Be scared.

Happy Birthday Michael!

Today is my cousin Michael's birthday-we are the same age (18 days apart), so if he is turning 32 today, then that means.......I'll be turning 29 in 18 days.....cool for me! :)

Anyway cousin, hope you are able to celebrate your birthday at your "undisclosed location". Miss ya tons and can't wait until you're back! Have a great birthday!

The next installment in the "This could only happen to KD" book

I can't believe I am actually admitting this, but I have no shame, so here goes..........

So, yesterday I went to Wal-Mart to get some household essentials when I spotted some shampoo and conditioner on sale. Great, I thought, I can always use these products. It was a brand that I didn't recognize but I figured it was no big deal, so I bought it. Later that night I was taking my shower and noticed that the consistency of the product, in particular the conditioner was different, it was rather thick and felt weird. It prompted me to actually read the bottle (wouldn't that have been a good idea before I bought it?). Well, once I read the bottle I realized why it felt so weird-seems the product I had purchased was for relaxed African-American hair. Yea....I don't have that hair type. I wasn't going to tell anyone about this until I heard that Mike had done a similar thing, which is further proof that we are the same person.

Congratulations Table #5........YOU'RE STUPID!

Ah, Trivia Night. Such fun. When my co-worker Julie asked us if we wanted to participate, I jumped at the chance. I love Trivia Night! I don't care what it's benefiting, or what it costs-I'm there. So, my "date" Mikey and I arrived at the American Legion hall in Maplewood-VERY ritzy joint. I especially loved how the "smoking area" was right in the front hall as you walked in the building. Mike and I didn't know anyone at our table, but we promised them this-we may not win this thing, but by God, we were gonna have the most fun (and/or drink the most beer, whatever). My confidence in our ability to answer anything right took a hit when I saw the ten categories of questions we'd be answering...Missouri History (are they kidding w/this crap? Just because we live here....) and Cardinal Baseball (unless the answer is "Albert Pujols" or "Ozzie Smith", I have no freakin' clue). And don't even get me started on the Cereal category. The promise Mike and I made soon proved to be true. I think we got 2 out of 10 right in the first round, at the end of every round, the announcer would just look at us and say "what is up with your score, table 5?". We would just laugh and cheer and draw attention to our stupid selves. And got more beer. The only reason we got any answers right in the Cardinals category was because 1. we got a free space and 2. one of the judges felt sorry for us and gave us an answer (like I know anything about Bob Forsch!). As for that Missouri category, who in the hell knew that our state insect is the honey bee???? WTF? Or that our state animal is the jackass? (actually, I should have known that since that was my college mascot...GO MULES!). I am sad that my team didn't have enough faith in me when I provided the answer to the question "what was Missouri named for?". I guess they thought I was full of shit when I answered "the Missouri Indian tribe", yet, it was totally right. When we totally didn't know the answer to something, we used our default answer, "Twiggy" (thanks to Mike's genius) There was one category we totally rocked. And that, my friends, was One Hit Wonders. I knew my endless hours of watching VH1 was about to pay off. I can't believe no one else knew who sings "Come On Eileen"! Hello, Dexy's Midnight Runners! My sis would have been all over that one. I must say I was totally impressed with Mikey pulling The Cardigans out of his ass (they sang that song "Love Me"), nice work Mike! We also did pretty well on TV Theme Songs.....you better believe the Dallas theme song was on there baby! So, you may be asking yourself what our final score was. First of all, I must tell you, we did NOT come in last (close though). We got 59 of 100 questions right. That's more than half, ok? Yes, I realize that if we were in school we would have flunked....but by God, we DID have the most fun!!!!! And, really, isn't that all that matters?

Yesterday I was a good little girl and got my butt up for church. It was my plan to go, then hang at Grandpa's for a bit, then go home. Well, plans change. Once I got to church, Grandpa informed me that after church was a congregation meeting. Now, I've never been to one of these meetings, mostly because I'm sure they're boring. Well, Grandpa takes them VERY seriously and is highly offended if other members of the church (me) don't attend. What actually got me to agree to stay, however, was that there would be free food. Sweet. So, I sat through this HOUR AND A HALF long meeting, giggling with my cousin Grant (because I am about as mature as a 15 year old boy), waiting for the free food. Sure, we voted on getting a new pastor (I just checked yes because I know and like her parents and because chick pastors rule!) and they went over the 2008 budget (they're still not getting anymore than $5 a week from me!)-BOOOORING. Finally they let us eat and at least it was good-Subway and homemade soup-score! It gave me the energy I needed to go home and clean my apartment. Nothing like the threat of having a house guest to prompt you to start cleaning! On Sundays, I try to be a good little girl (since it's the Lord's day and all), but I couldn't help but say a bad word on my drive home from church. I was on my street, minding my own business when all of a sudden, this bird the size of a pterodactyl (really!) flew over my car....my exact response was "what the f**k was THAT?". Oooooops.....guess my spot in hell is still open.......

If you see this man....

If you see this man, head to your local INS office immediately!!! He could be a Canadian impostor posed as, well...Uncle Sam. Do not be fooled.

I had some really weird and crazy dreams last night. The one I remember involves me and my friends Val, Erin, Robyn and Carrie (there may have been other people in the dream but I don't remember who they were). In this dream, the five of us were all set to play Lord of the Rings....not a board game but we were actually gonna be the characters (kinda like Dungeons and Dragons, perhaps?), when we began arguing about who had to be Gollum (you know that creepy thing that kept saying "I want the precious...." (ask me to do my impression of him sometime-it is dead on!). Anyway, Erin got really pissed about it and called Carrie (who was at home for some reason) to come and pick her up, which she did-rolling up in a convertible minivan (riiiiight). Then Carrie was pissed because she had to come out to get her and the five of us started arguing.....then my alarm went off. What can this one mean? That I should stop smoking crack before bedtime?

I'm not sure if I am getting sick or not, but today I woke up with a bit of a sore throat, I feel a bit nauseated, possibly feverish and my ears are stuffed up and popping. Mood-wise I'm fine, my concern is that several co-workers have had such fun things as bronchitis and pink-eye this week and we all sit right by each other in Cubicle-Land. We must wait and see if any real illness develops.......

Happy Birthday Reedie-Roo!

Today is little Reed's birthday-he's my friend Carrie and Steve's son. I CANNOT believe he is six!!!!! We are seriously getting old......

Canadian invasion-run for your lives!!!!!

I can now confirm that the elusive Darin J. Tessier, Canadian Extraordinaire, will be invading The States. Consider this forewarning......more details to follow. I recommend you follow any and all emergency procedures consistent with your Canadian Invasion Plan. This is NOT a test.

I'm going to hell but at least I'll be in good company

It's not my fault that Light Sensitivity Girl gives me such good material. IT'S NOT MY FAULT! It's also not my fault that ever since I started calling her "Stevie Wonder" (because of the dark glasses ya know), my co-worker Alex has been singing "I Just Called To Say I Love You" in the call center. And, it's not my fault that Tanya, Allison, Alex and I giggle uncontrollably the whole time we are there when she is working. Just call us the Fab Four, pure evil at it's best! The latest on Light Sensitivity Girl is this-she is now having surgery for her terrible disorder. What exactly are we surgerizing? Her brain? Because that may actually be helpful....

Plans are shaping up for the 2008 St. Louis Mardi Gras celebration. I have most of my crew committed to going. Granted, we don't have any solid plan in place, just that everyone was able to secure babysitters and are off work. We even have a designated driver. I'm really hoping it's not too terribly freezing outside that day.

TGIT (Thursday)-I don't know why, just seems like it's been a long week. I have been having an interesting sleep pattern this week. Typically, I have difficulty falling and staying asleep. This week, I have suffered from early awakening. Yesterday, I woke up at 5am. Today? 4am. Ugh. That is SO not pleasant. And I totally could not fall back asleep. Not that I got up and got ready, mind you. I'm hoping this little pattern rights itself soon.

What is everyone doing this weekend? We have our first Girls Lunch of 2008 on Saturday and Sat night I am going to a Trivia Night, which I love. I have a LOT of useless knowledge in this ol' noggin of mine. Lots. Granted, we will be getting free beer at this trivia night, so my ability to recall useless information may be impaired a bit.......

In good news, my cousin Ben and his wife Ashlee just announced they are having a BOY! Yay! It will be the first great-grandson in the family as we already have two girls. So exciting! Ashlee still has 20 weeks to go, but this family is excited to meet Baby Battocletti! :)

Happy 30th Birthday to my cousin Jeff!

Ah Jeff, you've joined myself and your brother in the cool club known as: People In Their 30's. Congrats. Damn the grandkids are getting old! It's my sister and Jon's turn next! :) I hope you have a GREAT birthday Baby Jeffy! And remember what they say....30 is the new 20....or some bullcrap like that.......

American Idol is back baby! Oh, where do I even start? Last night was the first of the tryouts episodes in the city of brotherly love, Philadelphia (since I hate everyone in PA, I ain't feelin' the love). Let's start with the crazies:

Princess Leia Girl- she screamed "you don't like me because I'm a dork". Uh...yea, it's true. Oh, and you can't sing.

Weird Creepy Dude With The Beard: the before shot-....and the after shot. Words can't even describe. Oh, and he couldn't sing either. He tried to do "Dont'cha" by the Pussycat Dolls....someone get him a psych eval stat!

Creepy Paula Stalker Guy-I'm sure his song was a joke (at least I hope it was), but it was still way creepy...sample line: "if you were a tub, I'd caulk you". Can you say "restraining order"?

Very Nice But Totally Tone Deaf Guy-he really had no clue that he's tone deaf, God love him!

Grace Slick Wannabe/Total Psycho Nutbag:I loved the whole flipping off the camera/cussing out Simon bit. Classic. Get your psych meds adjusted sweetheart.Sing The Mr Bee Gees Man:God love him! He's from Egypt and really believed he was destined for a singing career. And he says his female friends call him "sexy face"...I'm sure they do. He came in to sing "the Mr Bee Gee's man". He was terrible, but also terribly entertaining.

Poor Temptress:I LOVED her. Sure, she couldn't sing worth a darn, but the look on her face when she was told no was sooooo sad, I cried right along with her (I'm not the only one-Michele from work says she cried too). Temptress didn't wanna go out and tell her mama that she was turned down...I wouldn't mess with the girl-she's 16 years old, and is a middle linebacker on her schools football team.

There were some actual good people, but they are not nearly as fun as the rejects. I'm very sad I can't watch it tonight because I have to go to Job #2. Oh well. I'm sure the others will be talking about it at work tomorrow, I'll get my American Idol fix vicariously through them.

Product endorsement

I am loving the BBQ Chicken pizza from Lean Cuisine. YUM!

birthday shout-outs!

Happy Birthday yesterday to my Uncle Craig. Hope you had a great day!


And Happy Birthday today to my friend Robyn! I hope you are having a wonderful day. I miss you tons! Give Lola a big hug for me!

Don't ask, don't tell

Ah....Book Club Slumber Party. Quite an event. I do believe in the 5 year history of our non-reading Book Club, this was the most interesting, weird, disgusting, funniest slumber party yet.

We trekked out to Washington, Mo (pronounced "warshington" by the locals) mid-afternoon. Kelly's house is a-dorable! As we walked in, we saw that the girls that had already arrived we drinking. Of course, my thought was-well, when in Rome.....Bud Select, here I come! We gorged ourselves on snacky foods-Shannon's hot wing dip is to die for. OMG. After that, we began our first project of the night-have you heard of the ear candle thingy-ma-bob? It's supposed to remove ear wax from your ears. Disgusting as it sounds (and trust me, it is disgusting), we decided we were gonna try it. The thought of sticking a candle in my ear and lighting it on fire made me a bit nervous, but as a couple girls went ahead of me and deemed it safe and non painful, I decided to give it a try. This was so disgusting, words can't even describe.....but we laughed a lot!

After the ear candle incident, we proceeded to try homemade facials....sounded simple enough-you take household ingredients and put it on your face. We used such ingredients as-strawberries, bananas, milk, honey and oatmeal. Here is what I learned from this-if you have fruit allergies, it's best to not put them on your face. Word to the wise. I knew better than to put the strawberry mixture on my face, but I thought the banana one would be ok. Wrong. My face became all red and splotchy, I started sneezing probably 10-12 times in a row, my eyes started swelling and the only thing I could think of was-get this shit off my face! This was 10x worse than my reaction to the cat that was in the house. Some lessons ya gotta learn the hard way, I guess. Unfortunately for me, most lessons I've learned have come the hard way. Oh well.

I am officially a Girl Scout cookie pimp, so if anyone is in desperate need of cookies, my friend Val's daughter, Claire is selling. Val is now the official "Cookie Master" for the troop...or something like that.

Yay-Erin and I booked our flight to Phoenix yesterday! WOO HOO! We also got our tickets to two of the Cubs home games (at good ol' HoHoKam Park)-I don't remember who we are seeing them play, but we are going! We may take in some of their road games as well (in other parts of the Phoenix metro area). I SOOOO can't wait! I now have a Cards-Cubs bet going on with Polster. The bet is simple-I say the Cubs will finish ahead of the Cards this year and, of course, he says the opposite. So, if I win, he has to go around in public and wear a pink Cubs hat, and if he wins, I have to wear a Cards shirt, take a picture of it and post it as my main picture on MySpace. Gross. I'm not worried though, I think I have this one in the bag. :)


P.S. Hey Canada-I caught "Zoolander" on TV yesterday....made me think of you as you and Derek Zoolander have SO much in common....you know, being really, really, really good looking. :)

New injury report

So, today I was walking down the aisles at Wal-Mart, searching for the perfect laundry detergent (read: cheapest) when tragedy struck. Another consumer and I were about to pass each other in the aisle, I thought I had plenty of room to clear her, but no....my left thumb got smashed in between our two carts. I shrugged it off as the other lady clearly felt bad (I went ahead and let her take all the blame). It is now a couple of hours later and I have a good dime sized bruise on my thumb. Let us all recall my right thumb injury in mid-December when I slipped on the ice. Clearly this can all mean only one thing. I am not responsible enough to have thumbs.

My birthday is coming up, so if anyone wants to purchase a special order padded suit and helmet for me, that would be great. Thanks.

I see the light

As I left work yesterday and walked outside, my first thought was "man, it's bright out here!" The light was so blinding, making me squint and no doubtedly affecting my sinuses. I was pondering all of this when it suddenly hit me.............I, too, must have Light Sensitivity Disorder! There could be no other explanation! Is this terrible affliction contagious? Could others be struck down in the prime of their lives? Terror and fear raged through my body as I realized I had fallen victim to the most horrifying illness the world has ever seen. And I didn't even have my sunglasses or my hoodie with me.

Mr. Moore has resurfaced

I am such a dork, but I get excited when I see a new friend request on MySpace...someone wants to be my "friend"! Yay! Well, yesterday I had one and when I went to check to see who it was I saw that it was Denny Moore-I've known him since 4th grade (he was our class hottie)! He actually lives near here, not that we hang out, but it was cool to see him online...then I discovered some other peeps I went to school with like Dawn Brown (who, in 3rd grade ended my reign of being the smartest kid in the class-I was a little bitter about it...) and Andy Parker, who was THE partier in high school. Good times-I love catching up with people I've known since I was a kid. Sister, remember your fondness for Denny's brother, Brian? He's on MySpace too! :). Mikey, you actually know Denny's dad.....remember the tall guy in front of us with the mullet at The Muny that one summer? Yep, Mr. Moore!

Ok, so Stephen and I went to see "Juno" last night. I loved it! It was so cute and very funny. I recommend seeing it. When we met up for dinner last night, I was like "sorry I'm a little hyper today". His response? A VERY sarcastic "nooooooo". WTF?

I am spending tonight doing a whole lot of nothing tonight and I SO cannot wait. I need to drag my butt out of bed fairly early tomorrow and get my oil changed...ugh. Not fun, but necessary.

Tanya-OMG, I think I may have a Work Sensitivity Disorder...is there any cure? Or am I gonna have to start wearing a leotard and leg warmers in the office (I hear that's the current recommended tx for my disorder...) while I sing the great Corey Hart classic "Sunglasses at Night"?

Have a good weekend everyone!

Meth, movies and adult slumber parties

"10 county residents face federal drug charges for meth offenses"-that is today's headline in the Salem News. Is anyone surprised? It's times like this when I am SO proud to come from Southern Missouri.....only the classiest of the classy from my hometown! WTF?

I am being forced to do busy work today. I'm not sure I like it. Sure, I enjoy low caseloads, but busy work? I already have it done and it's only noon. Guess I'm just that good.

I get to see "Juno" tonight, I am so excited to see it!

Now, don't make fun (I know you will) but this weekend is Book Club Slumber Party. Yes, adults do have slumber parties, and no, we will not be hitting each other with pillows while prancing around in our undies, you dirty perverts! No, every year, typically in January, we take turns hosting our sleepover. It is actually a day full of fun events, last year we painted pottery. This year, I believe we have a variety of things planned, including bowling, facials, that ear candle thingy (which scares me a little) and apparently Sally will be in a corner drinking alone. :) We get to venture out to Washington, Mo to Kelly's house-she recently moved to this area and we informed her she had to have furniture before slumber party time. I'm being told she does.

On Sunday, Ern and I will be making our final plans for our Phoenix trip to see the Cubs at Spring Training-GOOD TIMES! :)

Thanks Broker!

I think this picture needs no explanation................that Amy Winehouse is HOT! :)

Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse/I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

Heidi, you'll LOVE this one.

Ok, so you've heard my tales of Coughing Girl from the crisis line. Just when I thought she couldn't possibly be any more psychosomatic, she tops herself. This is so amazing I'm not sure I can put it into words.

So, now she is going around telling everyone that she has some sort of "light sensitivity disorder" and that this apparently runs in her family so now she must take measures to protect her eyes (this "disorder" apparently affects her sinuses......yea). What measures you may ask? Well how bout wearing sunglasses 24/7-EVEN INDOORS. Who the hell are you, Ray Charles? AND she is also wearing a hoodie, with the hood on (is this to protect the sinuses on the top of her head?). There are of course the old standby's-the vibrating pad thing she sits on, the constant sniffling and the explanation of her many ailments to anyone that will listen.

I make fun, but really, she is actually quite sad. It is clear she is ill-not physically but mentally. Alex challenged me to diagnose her today and here is what I came up with (those of you who know her, let me know if you agree).

Axis I: R/O Somatoform Disorder
Axis II: Mixed Cluster B traits
R/O Histrionic Personality Disorder

Being a mental health professional is SO much fun, especially when it's your co-workers that are the crazy ones!

I just don't get it

WTF is up with people talking on their phones while sitting on the toilet? I know I have ranted about this before, but I just don't get it! I would be horrified to discover that the person I was talking to on the other end was sitting on the toilet while talking to me (which, for the record, my turdface brother did to me on Monday-I don't know if he was really on the toilet, but he said he was.....). Now, I have had callers on the crisis line talk to me while in the bathroom, but let's remember something about that........THEY'RE MENTALLY ILL. They have a semi-excuse for being so socially retarded. These so-called "professionals" in my office do not. Does anyone else have thoughts on this subject?

Back in the land of the living

Wow, I feel 110% today! Back at work, no more hurling, life is good. Turns out, the "hurling disease" as I am now calling it, is running rampant in the St Louis metro area. Who knew?

For the record, I am totally not down with tornado watches and warnings......IN JANUARY. It is totally not cool. Did the storm last night wake anyone else? There I was, 2am, wandering around my apartment, looking out the window for any signs of tornadoes....what I was really upset about was the prospect of sitting in the basement with my three creepy neighbors and then it occurred to me that my pajamas didn't match. Did I really want to be found dead in non-matching pj's? Luckily my worry was all for nothing as there were no apparent twisters in my neighborhood.

I got to talk to my good friend Eric last night. He's my friend from high school-I last saw him in September when I visited him in Chicago. He accused me of thinking I was too good for the pictures he sent me from my Chicago trip as I had not posted them anywhere. I informed him I hadn't posted them because 1. I have dial-up and 2. I have my parents old computer, it does not have enough "umph" to support uploading pictures and/or my digital camera program. I am a lame-0, I know, but it's just the way it is. It was still good talking to him though! :)

It's only 3pm and I am done with all my work. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem since I get off work at 4pm...tonight, however, I have to work until 5:30pm, soooooo....let the internet surfing begin!

P.S. I beat last year's record of when I finally took my Christmas tree down. Last year it was on Jan 11, this year? Jan 7 baby! Now, if I could just get someone to haul it downstairs for me......

OMG, I am laughing so hard right now

These pix my sister sent me from Christmas Eve are absolutely freakin' HILARIOUS!!!! OMG, I can't stand it....if you ever wondered why I am the way I am, all ya gotta do is look at my family. We are a bunch of crazy nutballs. This is the best pic EVER. Check out Grandpa playing Guitar Hero. I can honestly say I can die happy now.Well, well, well, what do we have here? Apparently, I thought I was Miss Thang that night (I blame the whiskey slush). Love this pic of my brother-in-law Jon, me and my brother Tim Here is Jon and Tim. Bunch of tards.words can't even describe how funny this pic of Jon is. I won't go into the background story behind that shirt. I can't do it. Is that his best Zoolander imitation? Here is me and my daddy. Is he flashing the peace sign? me and my sis-PARTY PIC y'all!

I've had a rough last 24 hours...

I have two words for all of you-----projectile vomiting. This is what I have been dealing with since yesterday afternoon. Oh, my Sunday started off just fine. I was energized by the nice weather, I went and saw my cousin's art show, talked to my parents on their anniversary, went for a jog around the park, I was just fine. Then it hit me....I was sitting on the couch and started to feel a bit nauseated. I didn't think much of it since I had just returned from jogging, I figured maybe I overdid it (since I'd gone the day before as well), and continued to drink my water. That, I believe, prompted my undoing. I couldn't have run to the bathroom faster than if there were a pack of rabid dogs behind me. Answer me this-have you ever thrown up an entire bottle of water? It's not fun, believe you me. This is when things got bad. After composing myself (for the moment), I learned I was running a low-grade fever. Something had attacked my body, I was sure of it. After a couple hours of this nonsense, I realized my evening plans were shot, so I had to call Polster and deliver the news-no evening of fun for us (and he had even cleaned his house for me). I then, proceeded to spend my evening on the couch with a bucket in front of me. I called in sick to work today (which I hate doing, but figured it was the smartest thing), I slept probably 10 hours last night. I am happy to say I have not thrown up today, I attempted to eat a bit, my tummy was unsettled but it stayed down. I feel very weak and tired, probably because I really haven't had a solid meal since Saturday. I know I need to stay hydrated, so despite my PTSD moment with the water yesterday, I am continuing to drink it today. I HATE being this kind of sick, I'd rather have the worst cold known to man than be throwing up. I do need to venture out of the house to get my allergy shot. Not really feeling up to it, but I haven't gone in two weeks, so I better. Then, it's more couch time for me....

And how was YOUR weekend?

Happy 35th Anniversary Mom and Dad!

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad! I hope you guys are having a great day....let me guess, dinner (or lunch) in Rolla? Where to this time-the Bread Co? Steak and Shake? Mom, it's not so much you as it is dad that's so predictable...that's why I love him! Seriously, you guys are blessed with a good marriage that has lasted 35 years. I'd like to say your exceptionally wonderful children helped with that.....I will call you guys later today. I love you!

Uh, Mr. Tessier, why have you not yet responded to my email? I mean, I even called you "mon petit chou chou" and everything! Doesn't that count for something? Geez......

I would just like to say for the record-the Blues goalie, Manny Legace is A STUD! He has been very kick-ass this week!The Blues finally won at home last night 1-0 and it was ALL him.

Well, I am gonna go see my cousin Dan's wife Amy's (did you follow that?) art show today at the Foundry in St. Charles. I am very excited to go see it. Then tonight I am going to go see "Juno". I can't wait to see it!

I just realized this post is very tangential and all over the place. Blame it on lack of sleep. I had one of those nights last night where I don't think I ever actually fell asleep. Don't you hate that?

Oh, and for the record....it is like 65 degrees here today. LOVE IT! Yesterday it was like 55 degrees, I went out and jogged three miles and am feeling it today! I'm sure we'll pay forthe nice weather soon, but in the meantime, I'm going outside!

What's that smell?

So I bought this new air freshener for my car the other day (because after nearly two years, the "new car" smell is gone). As I got into my car this morning, it hit me. My car now smells like a bottle of Hot Damn. Not that that's a bad thing by any means, what concerns me is that that was the first thing I thought of. Of all the cinnamon smells in the world, I came up with Hot Damn. Oh, it's been years since I last had some of that yummy cinnamon schnapps. I can remember many a day in college sharing a bottle of Hot Damn with my then room mate, Christi. I also remember one night my freshman year challenging Jason McCauley to a contest to see who could finish a bottle of Hot Damn first (he won). Ah, the good ol' days.

So, thus far this whole shutting down Hwy 40 thing hasn't affected me in the least. In fact, my commute is now only 30 minutes as I realized that the part of Hwy 40 I would need to take is still open. How do ya like me now, bitches??? :) It's a good thing since I now have to be on the road by 6:30-6:45am.

Is it wrong that the thing that is getting me through the day is the thought of possibly going home after work, reading some gossip magazines (I mean, I need to know about Britney's most recent crisis-being held on an involuntary hold on a psych unit, which really, is looooong overdue) and going to bed by 9? Is it wrong, or just plain sad? You be the judge....

In Kerri Is A Hazard To Herself news, it seems I have injured myself doing aerobics. Not a small feat, by any means. I now have a sharp pain in my left shoulder blade which hurts even more when I take a deep breath in (which I'm thinking is not good since you kinda have to breathe pretty much constantly.....). I'm a bit concerned that I have now officially reached old lady status-I mean, when just working out injures you, that's a sign, right? I suppose with my other lamo activities scheduled for tonight I will also have to add "laying on the heating pad". Dammit, old age sucks.

What's Stevie Y. doing nowadays?

Do not judge his hotness by picture #1. As you can see by picture #2, Stevie Y has aged rather well.....sister, do you remember how IN LOVE with him we were back in the day? Almost made me want to be a Red Wings fan. Notice I said "almost".

just in case you were wondering....

it is very difficult to type with gloves on. FYI.

getting warmer

It warmed up to 13 degrees this morning. A vast improvement from the 9 we had yesterday, but still freakin cold. I am wearing my hair in a ponytail today but quickly regretted that this morning as I stepped outside. My neck and ears were freezing! Once in my car, I improvised and wrapped my scarf around my head and ears. I looked like a Russian peasant woman wearing her babushka, but at least I was warm. I can't look cute all the time.... :) I hear it's gonna be in the 60's this weekend-awesome!

I am thanking God I am not working at the crisis line again tonight. Whew! Was it busy last night, or what? Geez Louise! I guess everyone's New Year's resolution was to stabilize their mental health....at least Alex was there. He was sitting in between me and Sherry (who he likes to call Sher-Bear along with me as Ker Bear-we are both gonna kick his ass for it), lucky boy. I assured him last night that he was my favorite boy in the call center. Granted, he was the only boy in the call center, but still. I don't just give compliments away you know! :) He is so much fun to harass-you know the type, easy target but they take it well. I can honestly say he (and a couple other people) make my job there more enjoyable. That, and all the crazy crap you hear on the phones. You can't buy entertainment like that!

I am in a good mood today despite the fact that I woke up with a headache. I am combating it with higher than normal doses of ibuprofen-I should be fine. At least our caseloads are light today, barring any major disasters, this should be a pretty good day. I am kinda digging the new work hours (7:3am to 4:00pm), getting up earlier sucks, but I like getting in early.

Ok, I'm done rambling for now. I think I'll just sit here and be Ridiculously Good Looking. Adios!

I can't be nice

I can't do it. I can't be nice. Not when I have to work with Psychosomatic Sniffling Girl. OMG. Tonight has been especially annoying. It wouldn't be so bad if she would just not try to talk to me. We are not friends, ok sister? DO NOT TALK TO ME. Actually, the constant sniffling was seriously making me gag. I mean, is it necessary? I suggest going to an ENT if it's that bad. The thing that sent me over the edge? She is sitting there talking about how she is getting assistance from workers comp for something. She defines "psychosomatic". Mom, working in the HR field I'm sure you come across these people. They are the ones that will sue at the drop of a dime and/or claim workers comp for BS reasons.....the fact that SHE actually has a fiance and I don't makes me want to kill myself...or her, I'm not sure which. Ok, I'm done now.

Oh, and another thing. When you go to the ATM, how long does it take you to do your business? A minute or two tops, right? I mean, how hard is it? You stick your card in, punch in your PIN, make your selection and move on with life. Right? Well then why did the lady in front of me today take SEVEN minutes to complete her transaction? What in the hell was she doing that took seven minutes? I assumed she was a Re Re as evidenced by the fact that she kept sticking her card in and out, re-entering her PIN....uh, seriously lady, take your remedial ATM classes on someone else's time, would ya?

I need to pick a new New Year's Resolution, don't I?

Sticking it to The Man

Ok, so apparently Mike's new 2008 calendar is not appropriate for the office. Granted, it is a picture of half naked firefighters, but still.....today we came up with a way that Mike could still have his calendar displayed (sticking it to The Man!). In paper doll-like fashion, we have decided to create shirts for the men for each month. This month's gentleman is wearing a red turtleneck, next month there will be a Mardi Gras theme, and so on. We are so DAMN creative......

So, when I left for work this morning it was NINE DEGREES. That's cold over here in these parts! It took like fifteen minutes for my car to semi warm up. Welcome to January!

How did everyone spend their New Years Day? After football (Mizzou kicked ASS in the Sugar Bowl-Congrats!) was over, I channel flipped in an attempt to stave off boredom when I struck TV gold.............yes, that's right, an America's Next Top Model marathon on VH1. Could life get any better? I proceeded to spend the next few hours of my life watching this trainwreck of a show....I even ignored The Biggest Loser in order to get my Top Model fix......I need rehab.

Back to the old grind today. Work is business as usual today. I have to work at the crisis line tonight. Good times. I need to remember to mail my parents anniversary card to them. Yes folks, on Sunday, my parents will celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary. It's unheard of in this day and age. At this point, they are kinda just stuck with each other, I mean sure they drive each other crazy (case in point-on Sunday I was talking to my mom on the phone, and my dad was yelling in the background "I'm hungry, she doesn't feed me! Help me!), but at the end of the day, they compliment each other pretty well.

Oh, I just got a voicemail from a rude woman at work that is making my blood boil...I need some HTN meds, stat.................... ;)

Rabid Bats and Lost ID's-A True New Year's Eve Story

We had the best of intentions, Tanya and I. We were gonna try to not be completely uncool (for once). We we gonna go out after work, go amongst people and be out for New Year's Eve....alas, it was not meant to be......

After working at the crisis line until 11pm (yes if you are counting, that is approximately SIXTEEN hours that I worked yesterday. Hey, after six the crisis line was time and a half, I'm not passing that up!), Tanya and I decided we would go somewhere to have a drink and ring in the New Year. Did we have a destination? No. Did we have any real plan? No. Did we have good intentions? Yes.

So, we decided to go to this bar in Maryland Heights that is either by or in the Syberg's, I couldn't tell. I should have known right away this wasn't a good idea as I remember now my sister telling me that there was an actual reported case of someone dying after eating Syberg's food (it pays to have connections at the Health Dept). Anyway, as we pulled up we noticed lots of pretty lights......pretty lights from a freakin ambulance out front! No thank you! If someone is dead in there, I don't wanna see it. So, change of plan, we decided to go to this other place down the road. It seemed ok, however, there was a freakin $10 cover. Uh, to hang out in this skanktastic bar for like an hour? I don't think so. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, because before we went in, I decided to dig out my ID (because, let's face it, I get carded everywhere I go), only........my ID wasn't in my purse. Not a good thing by any means. So, as Tanya and I stood there outside her car freezing our asses off, we realized our goal of actually going out for New Year's wasn't gonna happen. We did get the brilliant idea to actually sit inside the car and further contemplate our situation when I looked up and said "was that a bat?". Tanya looked up too and sure enough, there was something flying in the night. Tanya yells "it's rabid, it's rabid!". So, there we were, outside some skanky bar in Maryland Heights with rabid bats flying all around us. Fantastic. At this point, it was about 11:30, we decided to call it a night and headed on home. On the bright side, we would miss all the drunko's out on the highways.

I reached home at 11:57, but apparently some other yahoo's thought it was midnight because I suddenly heard fireworks going off (initially, I thought it may have been gunfire....I mean, come on, I do live in The City). The fireworks became annoying about about 20 minutes.....anywho, I texted (is "texted" a word?) and got texts from some folks wishing me a happy new year (my favorites were my brother saying "Happy New Year I'm drunk" and Polster calling me an old lady for saying I was going to bed).

So, now I must say...............HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!!!!!!

I hope everyone is still alive today and enjoying the day off....there is more football than should be legal on TV right now (although, it should be noted Mizzou is winning 28-7 in the Cotton Bowl.That Tony Temple is A-MAZING!). There is also that awesome outdoor hockey game on between Buffalo and Pittsburg-it is snowy and windy in Buffalo-perfect hockey conditions! I must get on doing my designated task for the day-LAUNDRY. Good times.

Hey Tanya, it is now nearly 14 hours into the new year and I haven't been mean once!Granted, I haven't talked to anyone (or seen anyone for that matter), but still....I win! :)