Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Cardinals just got 150% sexier

I feel like hurling today....and it has nothing to do with all the sangria I drank last night (well, almost nothing). No, the reason for that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is that Mark "DeRo" DeRosa was traded to the Cardinals. MY Mark DeRosa. Ok, so maybe he's not mine, but I, along with every other red-blooded woman in America, LOVES me some DeRo. I mean, have you seen him? He's H-O-T hot. And now he's an effin Cardinal. The two seasons he was on the Cubs they made the playoffs. Coincidence? I think prolly not. DeRo is a great, versatile player. And did I mention that he's hot? It's almost enough for the Cardinals to out-sexy the Cubs, but sadly for the Cardinals, they have the likes of Brendan Ryan and Ryan Ludwick keeping their average down. The only bright side is that I live in St. Louis, so now, I can see DeRo all the time if I want. Mmmmm...I do like that idea. This is yet another bitter pill for us Cubs fans to swallow. One of MANY this year.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Death sucks

Say what you want about Michael Jackson, but he is still an icon. No one will ever mean more to music than him. His strange personal life aside, he was a very talented man that will be missed. Just about everyone in my generation grew up listening to Michael Jackson. Thriller was one of the first albums I remember as a kid. My sister and I had a GIANT Michael Jackson poster hanging on the wall of our bedroom when we were kids (somewhere, there is actual photographic evidence of this....). She and I used to turn our bedroom light off and listen to the song "Thriller" in the dark and scare ourselves silly (come on, you know Vincent Price is crazy scary in that song-especially to a couple little kids!). I loved his music as a kid and didn't even understand WHY. I love the Jackson 5 stuff from when he was a kid, love BAD, love his Greatest Hits CD. Great musician, that's all I can say.

And Farrah Fawcett. Yes, she'd been struggling with cancer for quite some time and you knew her death was imminent. Still, hearing of her passing saddens me. Not that I was a huge fan or anything, but I watched her documentary a couple of weeks ago and cried like a freakin baby, not gonna lie. It was so moving. I think the part that got me the most was that Ryan O'Neill may be a big giant a-hole most of the time, but it was SO obvious in that documentary how much he loved her. I'd give my right arm to have someone love me even half that much. Seriously.

Sad day for Hollywood. Also with the passing of Ed McMahon, it's been a rough week.

That's about all I have to say. That and this, take care of each other, k?

Acceptance

Damn. The Cubs really suck. Now I know, I know, everyone likes to tell me they suck because it's apparently cool to hate the Cubs, but I mean....they REALLY suck. It pains me to have to say it, but it's true. I mean, let's look at the facts:

-the closer wouldn't know what a save was if it hit him in his goggles (yea, I'm talkin to YOU, Kevin Gregg).
-the best hitter is some poor kid called up from AAA Iowa (much love, Jake Fox, much love).
-their best starting pitcher is apparently human and not immortal after all (Ted Lilly, my heart breaks....)
-and their starting catcher is apparently a giant pot head (suuuuuuuure, it was an isolated incident, Mr. Soto. And how then do you explain your expanding waistline and total slackerness this season? I know....the MARY JANE, that's how).

I'm contemplating finding other ways to spend my time. Because apparently following the Chicago Cubs this season is a HUGE waste of it. Perhaps I could take up skydiving? farming? underwater basketweaving? pot smoking like Geovany Soto? The options are endless.....

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A fan letter

Dear Kevin Gregg,

Why do you continue to do things that make me want to hate you? Why? Last night's "performance" made me want to get in my car, drive to Detroit and beat you in the head. I didn't, but I wanted to.

Perhaps you are confused about what the closer's role is. Please allow me to explain it to you. Granted, I'm just a girl from southern Missouri and have never played a professional sport before, but I'm pretty sure I get it. The closer comes into a baseball game when their team has a lead and his job is to....wait for it....wait for it....his job is to SAVE the game. The closer typically only has to face three batters, sometimes four if you walk someone, but typically, what is asked of the closer is not too much.

Here are some things that the closer should NOT do. He should not throw wild pitches. He should not give up base hits in the bottom of the 9th inning, and he sure as HELL should not give up game ending two run homers in the bottom of the 9th allowing his team to lose and the other team to win.

I think maybe you've been confused this whole time, Mr. Gregg. Perhaps your role has not been clearly explained to you. Is that it? Please tell me that's it and the real issue isn't that you just suck.

It is suddenly becoming clearer why everyone in Florida hated you (I read blogs, I know this is true), it's suddenly clearer why, prior to you joining my precious Cubbies, I had never heard of you. It is suddenly clearer why, oh wait, I got nothin......

There is a thin line between love and hate Mr. Gregg. A thin line. And you are on that line my friend. In fact, if you weren't so devastatingly handsome in a sexy Clark Kent sort of way, I would totally hate you right now. I would. You would be my least favorite Cub, probably EVER (and that's including Bob Scanlan, Neal Cotts and Jason Marquis-that's BAD Mr. Gregg. REAL bad).

So, here's what I would like to see happen. You, as the closer, need to save games. You need to get people out and call it a day. You get paid millions of dollars a year, I don't see why this is so hard. I'm tired of sitting on the edge of my couch every time you pitch, anxious as hell and in desperate need of some Xanax or Ativan. I'm tired of yelling "GFY Gregg" at my TV. I'm tired of sitting through a fairly well played game (including a Micah Hoffpauir homer-HOLLA), only to be bitterly disappointed in the end....because you came into the game.

So, Mr. Kevin Gregg, if you could just stop the sucking, that would be great. Because I am not above gathering an angry mob together (I know people, Kevin Gregg) and driving up to whatever city you're in at the time, and beating you with a sack full o'nickels. Got it?

Sincerely,

Kerri M. Davidson, Cubs fan extraordinaire and soon-to-be president of the Kevin Gregg Sucks Fan Club

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Happy Birthday Aunt Jan!

Hope you have a great day!!!!

Movie reviews, bad dreams and other random stuff

Admittedly, I'm not one to do a movie review because it's a rare occurrence that I actually stay awake for the entire thing, but I DID manage to stay awake for the entire THREE HOURS of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and I'd like to give you my take on it. What I have to say is this-WTF? I had to wait a solid TWO hours before I got to see the hot Brad Pitt, the first two hours were him as a creepy, wrinkly old man/baby/child/person. And then the hot Brad Pitt turned into an adolescent and eventually a baby (which I believe was played by real-life daughter Shiloh). I don't get it. I watched it because I was trying to get it, but....I still don't get it. And I'm disappointed with the amount of screen time hot Brad Pitt got. Moving on.....

Ok, so last night I had a dream that this tiger was in the woods by my parents house (because tigers TOTALLY hang out in Southern Missouri, right?) and all the "neighborhood" dogs gathered about to take a look (and by "neighborhood" I mean the dogs from the like 5 houses located on the county gravel road my parents live on). Well, suddenly, the tiger started attacking the dogs (like tigers often do), and there was bloodshed, not gonna lie (I'd like to note that in my dream, my precious pups, Stubby and Hank were safe, the casualties appeared to have been some made up in my mind neighbor dogs. Yes, mom, Jim Bob was ok.). I was willing myself to wake up because it was one of those dreams that felt real. My point in telling you this story is this-the Cubs are playing the Detroit TIGERS today. Coincidence? I think not. Although, I sure hope the Detroit Tigers do NOT maul my precious little Cubbies, not when they're actually starting to play right (last night's game excluded). Perhaps I should stop smoking crack before bed, huh?

T-minus 10 days until I get to see my precious baby niece! I can't wait. The pictures my brother-in-law sent this past weekend are tiding me over (especially the video of baby girl "talking"...SO precious!), but I can't wait to see the real deal. Auntie Kerri misses her SO much! The road trip to Dallas (that's 9 hours from Salem in case you were wondering) should be, um, fun. Me, Timbo, and the 'rents in a car....for 9 hours. The last road trip to Dallas was entertaining to say the least (dad, hopped up on caffeine and sugar, began accusing all over the road truck drivers of doing cocaine in order to stay awake.....), and I expect no less from next week's trip.

More on my precious Cubbies, Jen from CUBblogging informs us that the countdown to Aramis Ramirez returning is ON! WOO HOO! I have been having severe Rami withdrawals and can't wait for his return!!!!! :)

Monday, June 22, 2009

New pics of my sweet niece...she's already 10 weeks old!

Kendall with her daddy....look how big she is!!!
Awwww....sleeping with her mama...the girls are worn out!

Too cute...fam pic!


Look at the little chunky monkey! Kendall is getting sooooooo big!
Mama said knock you out......

such a happy baby girl!
spying on mama from the couch....

who is the most precious girl in the whole wide world?????
Kendall's new gym. Looks like fun! Auntie Kerri can't wait to play with you next week pretty girl!

Happy, Happy Birthday Mom!!!!

My mom is the most wonderful mom on all the Earth. I have no idea what I'd do without her. Mom...I hope you have a WONDERFUL birthday. I love you so much. I'll see you next week!!!!!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Happy Birthday Uncle Nick!


I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Owie

I woke up yesterday with a sore throat. I didn't think too much of it, allergies I assumed, but as the day went on, the soreness worsened. Last night I slept like a rock (which is a rarity, I'm a notorious light sleeper) yet today still feel totally drained like I didn't sleep at all. And my throat feels like it's on fire. Quite literally. It burns and hurts to talk. I want to stick ice cubes down my throat to make it better (although I'm pretty sure that's a choking hazard....). I'm drinking cold liquids and chowing down on my kiwi-apple cough drops like it's going out of style. I'm really not down with being sick, so I'm hoping this is just a bit of a sore throat and it's gonna go away. Like, soon.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dear Cubs

Dear 2009 Chicago Cubs,

I have been a fan of your team for 20+ years. Through good times and bad (mostly bad), I have been there for you, cheering away, facing harassment from friends and family down here in Cardinals country, essentially risking my life in order to cheer you on. It's a brave, and possibly stupid, task I've taken on.

I only have one thing to say to you: GFY Cubs. GFY for your inability to score runs, for your inability to get extra-base hits, for your inability to get poor Randy Wells an effin win already! GFY Alfonso Soriano for completely sucking ass. GFY Jim Hendry for trading the only man us Cubs fans have ever truly loved (we miss you Mark DeRosa!). The starting pitching is damn near the best in the Majors and they have NOTHING to show for it. Quite honestly, it's a damned miracle that this team is only 2.5 back in the NL Central. Mind boggling, actually. I mean,you just lost 2 of 3 to the Ass-tros. The Astros? Dude, they are so terrible I could beat them playing left-handed. I'm just sayin.

There are a few bright spots: the aforementioned starting pitching (I heart you Ted Lilly!), the bullpen has been less frightening as of late, D Lee is actually starting to hit and Micah Hoffpauir is a sexy beast. That's about it.

So, to sum it up, 2009 Cubs, I'm gonna need you to start getting it together. We're mid-way through June now. No more of this "it's early" crap. It's time to get your heads out of your collective asses and do this already. I say this with love.

Sincerely,

Cubs Fan In Missouri Who Desperately Wants You To Win And Who Has A Completely Inappropriate Crush on Micah Hoffpauir (sorry to Micah's wife, who I'm sure is a lovely woman).

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Happy 7th Birthday, Kira!

Little Miss Kira, the oldest of the great-grandchildren, turns SEVEN today! Wow, hard to believe that! She's so big now! Happy, happy birthday Kira! Hope you have a wonderful day!

Oh Ted Lilly, how I love thee....

Cute isn't he? Even my Cardinal loving supervisor says "That Ted Lilly sure is handsome". Yes indeedy.


It's no secret that I love Cubs pitcher Ted Lilly (my co-worker Ruben, also a Cubs fan, walks by my cubicle daily and tells me to "get off those Ted Lilly blogs"....I can't, it's a sickness, and it's called Theodore Roosevelt Lilly Fever). Last night he proved, yet again, why HE and not El Toro Loco, Big Z, should be the Cubs ace. Ted is a BAMF, as previously established. He is now tied for 2nd in the NL in wins with 7 (that d-bag Bronson Arroyo better watch out) AND, just to prove he could, he hit a freakin TRIPLE last night. A triple? Ted Lilly? LOVE it. Sorry it had to happen at the expense of the lowly Astros (wait, no I'm not). The Cubs now find themselves in a 3-way tie for 2nd in the NL Central. The Cardinals are in the midst of a downhill spiral, the Reds are managed by Dusty Baker (and thus, will fold eventually)-the only thing standing in the Cubs way is the fat ass Brewers....watch out Mi-li-wau-kee. Yea, I'm talking to you King of Tools, Ryan Braun.

I realize my Cubs obsession may seem a bit sad....pathetic if you will. But it's all I've got. The Cubs and my baby niece are the only things that make me happy right now, so by God, let me have it.

A WGN game tonight (YAY!) and a rare evening at home for good ol' KD. No saving lives at the crisis line tonight, no sir, I'll be home, ogling my boys from a safe distance. No need to file the restraining orders yet.........

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Missing children

The National Center for Missing & Exploited Children has issued a missing child alert, possibly involving a family abduction. Oliver Hold Midyett and Wilman Carl Midyett have been missing from Lenox, Mo., since May 31. The release says they were allegedly taken by their mother, Jetta Midyett. A felony warrant for kidnapping was issued for her on June 3. Anyone with information should call the Dent County Sheriff's Department at 1-573-729-3241.

These are the children of a guy I went to high school with, Jason Midyett. Please spread the word and hope his kids come home safely.

Light at the end of the long, long tunnel?

Well, my world doesn't look totally black today, more of a dark gray color, which, given recent events in my life, is a vast improvement and one I will take with open arms. I'm still not happy, but am now able to crack the periodic smile. We'll take progress, even if it is in small doses.

The good news is, I've been working out like a maniac. I mean, when everything else in your life sucks, being a fat ass on top of it is not an option. On Sunday, I managed to jog/walk 4.14 miles without even realizing I'd gone that far (perhaps pent up aggression is good?). Today, I burned as many calories on the treadmill as my friend Amy who typically burns way more than I do because she is a machine with the incline (apparently now so am I). I suppose I gotta get myself together and try to look as hot as humanly possible because, yet again, I have to get myself "out there" and back into the dating scene. Ugh, how depressing. Dating is secondary to jammies and a good book, if you ask me. But, unless I want to totally be an old maid (which, at 33 years old, I am WELL on my way to), I gotta get out there. Dammit. Life sucks. But it could always be worse....I guess.

Special love to my friend Mikey, his dad is in the hospital and facing surgery. In my own self-centered depression, I have not been a good friend....but I love you Mikey and I hope your dad is ok soon.

In other good news, it's Ted Lilly Day in Cubs Fandom (at this point, my Cubs love is about all I've got in the world, so let me have it, ok?). I always love Ted Lilly Day, probably because I love Ted Lilly. GO CUBS.

Monday, June 08, 2009

My niece is TWO months old today!

I can't believe my precious girl is already two months old! Such a big girl! Only three short weeks until I get to see her again and I can't wait!!! I miss you Kendall........Aunt Kerri loves you very, very much!

Friday, June 05, 2009

My gut was right

Ain't that a pisser when that happens?

KD's in unhappy-land today, I'll spare you the details, but I'll leave you with this: if you have a gut instinct about something, listen to it, because it's probably right.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

I work with animals

I can't believe some people. I'm sure you've heard me rant before about the nastiness that is the bathroom at my place of employment. Often, even though you see the cleaning person in there 4-5x a day, the place is a mess-paper towels in the floor, water all over the place, individual stalls often "out of order", and unidentified hairs in various places (seriously). But yesterday's events go above and beyond the realm of horrifying. Such reactions to the events included "oh my God" and "are you serious?" and "dude, I'm gonna hurl". What was it that caused such an uproar, you may be asking? Well, I'll tell you............yesterday, June 3, 2009, in stall #4 of the 6th floor women's restroom, a piece of poo was spotted on the floor. On the floor. WHO DOES THAT (outside of toddlers and geriatric/demented folks who don't know any better)????? I mean, I was so outraged at this latest disgusting event that I totally skimmed over the fact that earlier in the week, a used ladies product was found in the floor of the very same restroom. I mean, my GOD people, what in the hell is wrong with you? And an even scarier question is-if this is how they behave at work, what in the HELL does their home bathrooms look like? I mean, seriously.....

Don't hassle The Hoff


No, I'm not talking about David Hasselhoff here. I'm talking about a WAY hotter Hoff, the Chicago Cubs hottie extraordinaire, Micah Hoffpauir. Thanks to him, the Cubs actually won an effin' game last night (even though it took them extra innings to do so). Hoff is my latest Cubs obsession/crush....(along with Aramis Ramirez and Ted Lilly). He's hot in a sexy farmhand sort of way AND he plays some pretty good baseball too. Not that I wish anything bad to happen to Derek Lee, but Hoff is a first baseman by trade, and he can be MY starting first baseman ANY time. Too much?

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Goin all nine

I have the answer to the Cubs bullpen woes. I do. Ready for it? Are you listening Lou Piniella? Ok....from now on, the Cubs FANTASTIC starters (I'm talkin to you precious little Randy Wells! And Ted Lilly....and even Crazy Carlos Zambrano) are just gonna have to go all nine innings. Yes, forget those middle relievers, screw the set up man, F the closer, you starters are just gonna have to do the job yourselves. Adorable little rookie Randy Wells took a no-no two outs into the 7th inning before mother effin Chipper Jones (hate that guy!) got a single. Wells was cool, got out of the inning, did give up a homer to Garrett Anderson in the 8th (I mean, who hasn't that guy hit a homerun off of?) and Lou decided to bring in the 'pen. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a big deal seeing as the Cubs were up 5-0. But this isn't your "normal" bullpen. Not normal at all. Carlos Marmol came in, usually you can count on Carlos to mow some guys down-not last night. He managed to give the Braves 3 runs, still ok since the Cubbies were leading into the 9th. That's when the Cubs supposed "closer" came into the picture. Mother effin Kevin Gregg, who I would totally hate if it wasn't for the Clark Kent sex appeal he exudes, came into the game, gave up a two-run homer to Jeff Francouer (who is totally hot, but that's neither here nor there), thus killing the dream of little Randy Wells EVER getting his first win in the Majors (ok that may have been a bit dramatic) and sending the game into extras. You can pretty much figure out what happened from here....Cubs lost in 12 innings, us Cubs fans in the chatterbox on Jen's blog were PISSED, I said WAY more curse words than is socially acceptable and everyone went to bed with a bitter taste in their mouths.

I'm still pretty bitter about the game. I mean, your starter has a no-no for SEVEN innings and you lose the game for him? How does this happen??? Wait, I just answered my own question-it's the Cubs, that's how it happened.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

New pics of my niece, Kendall-7 weeks old

Awwww, such a pretty girl!
LOVE, love, love the bath pic! She is seriously way too cute......
I miss you Kendall! Auntie Kerri loves you very, very much!!!!! I'll see you in about a month my precious baby niece!!!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Cubs Gatorade cooler goes on the DL......

This video seriously made me laugh out loud.....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kquYcOn0WY

Happy 2nd Birthday, Taylor!

Today is Miss Taylor's 2nd birthday (my cousin Jeff's little girl). Hard to believe she's 2 already! Taylor is a crackup....such a funny little girl! Hope you have a fabulous birthday sweetie!