Thursday, May 21, 2009

Kris Allen-the new American Idol!


Meet your newest American Idol, America! Congratulations to Kris Allen, who won last night. I didn't watch it, but my trusty friend Val texted me to advise me of the results (and to harrass me about the fact that my precious Cubbies were losing to the mother effin Cardinals AGAIN...I was aware since I was there and stuff). Proving yet again that beauty trumps talent (according to Mike, anyway), Kris beat out Adam Lambert, who is probably the more talented singer but, let's be honest here, his screeching DOES grate on your nerves after awhile. I'm just sayin....
I think Kris is adorable and I like his cool, laid back singing style. What I did NOT like is that fact that I've heard that stupid hurricane song they forced on the AI winner as the first single THREE times this morning. I'm already sick of it, no offense Kris Allen, it's really not your fault you were forced to sing such a cheesy and ridiculous song......

Let's now talk about my Cubs, or as I like to call them, the Runless Wonders. The offense clearly thinks it's on Spring Break. The only folks showing up to play some baseball are the Cubs pitchers right now, Ryan Dempster pitched a fine game last night but the a-hole offense couldn't muster up anything against Chris "I've played like twice in the last five years" Carpenter. The sole Cubs run coming from one Micah Hoffpauir (the Hoff, if you will). Even new fan favorite BOBBY SCALES! let us down last night.

Let me tell you about our terror moment at last night's game. Things were going ok, I kept my eye on the bullpen because, let's face it, they scare the shit out of me. Anyway, I see a stirring going on down there and prayed and prayed and prayed it wasn't who I thought it was warming up. Sadly, God doesn't answer my prayers, because it WAS who I didn't want it to be-one Neal Cotts-those two words alone are enough to strike fear in Cubs fans nationwide. I shudder at the memory. Anyway....the good news is, Cottsy never came in, Marmolade pitched well in his place. Never got to see Gregg pitch because well, the Cubs weren't winning, so no need to put in your save guy, right?

I swear to God, if the Cubs get swept by the effin Cardinals tonight, I may cry and/or become self-injurious. I'm just sayin.

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