Hurt

I don't think I've ever been more hurt, or more disappointed in another person in my entire life. At least not in recent history. I still cannot believe that what happened today actually happened. Still trying to process it in my head. I would have believed it if, say we were in JUNIOR HIGH, not supposed adults in our 30's. I will not post the details of what was said about me because it is truly disgusting and so completely inappropriate it made me want to vomit just reading it. But here's the gist of what happened:

One of my supposed closest friends (been friends since 1998-a long time), unbeknownst to her, attached my name to an email she sent to a couple select individuals, providing them with a link to this blog, with SPECIFIC instructions to copy and paste is so that I, the blog owner, would not be able to trace who was reading my blog-sounds like malicious intent, doesn't it? It then went on to say such choice things as "need we be concerned" and my favorite "geez, get this girl laid". Nice, huh? My f**king family reads this blog ASSHOLES. How DARE you. What I will not repeat is the response by one of the assholes included in the email as it was foul, disgusting, and quite honestly, so completely uncalled for given that I've met this person twice (and I will not tell a lie, my response to his "apology"? I told him I didn't give a flying f**k about what he thinks about me, that he's a judgmental asshole just like his friend who wrote the email). One of the other parties maintains her innocence-I haven't decided if I believe her yet. She may not have been in on the responses today, but how am I to know she hasn't engaged in talking about me before? I can trust no one.

What's funny to me is that the person who sent the email, once caught, tried to mask it as concern for me. EXCUSE ME? Please, do not insult my intelligence. Call a spade a spade-you were being a back stabbing bitch and were showing your true colors. THAT 'S the facts. You're concerned because I don't go out with you guys 3-4 nights a week and drink? Or that the only thing I talk about is my family? You think I'm isolating and not taking care of myself? F**K you. Not that I have to explain myself AT ALL because I've done nothing wrong, but here is what's true: I work TWO FREAKIN JOBS-sorry if I'm not up for happy hour on a Tuesday, or even the weekends for that matter, I'm TIRED. Yes, I talk about my family a lot on my blog because it's MY blog and my family is very important to me. And has it ever occurred to you that the reason I haven't been going out or dating lately is because I HAD MY HEART BROKEN IN JUNE? Clearly my healing timeframe is not to your liking. Well again, f**k you.

I'm sorry to be going off on this and I swear, after tonight, I will not address it again. It's just that the magnitude of the hurt is just incredible. It makes me question everything. I have a hard enough trusting others as it is, and now you have someone who just reinforces why that's necessary. Believe you me, I'm not looking for sympathy here, but I have to be honest, hearing others reinforce what you already secretly think about yourself is HEARTBREAKING.

The good news is, I will process this and move on from it. I do not need these people in my life. What I hope is that they always remember the hurt they've caused someone who did NOTHING to them and, in the case of the person who wrote the email, has NEVER talked shit behind her back. NEVER in the entire 11 years we've been friends. Sad that her careless actions have now ended an 11 year friendship. Not only that, but she has now successfully broken up our little group-never again can I hang out with the others when she's present. Never again will the five of us girls ever be together. And that makes me incredibly sad. Sucks when you have to find out the hard way who your true friends are.