Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Toe Thumbs, broken groins and determining whether or not Matt Garza is cool...or batshit crazy.

I knew the Cubs were gonna lose last night the moment Koyie Hill entered the game.

Ok, that's not entirely true-I actually knew the Cubs would lose last night before the game even started because they are the Cubs, but the whole  Koyie Hill thing kinda sealed the deal. Yes, just as things couldn't look much bleaker (is "bleaker" a word?), it looks like the Cubs have now lost their starting catcher as Geo apparently fancied himself a gymnast last night and did the damned splits, causing his groin to break....or something like that. I'm sure Koyie Hill is a nice man, but he is infuriatingly bad at baseball. I'm sure the Cardinals were laughing their asses off as he came up not once, but twice, with a huge opportunity to blow the game wide open. And, like he ALWAYS does, he made an out both times. Stellar Toe Thumbs, stellar.

At least Ryan Theriot got booed. A lot. That truly did my heart some good. And what's up with his long-ish hair? Is he Justin Bieber now? Ya move to St. Louis and ya go all Hollywood on us, huh Riot? HA!

The Cubs can hit. But the Cubs can't score runs. That is a problem. They left a runner on in EVERY.SINGLE.INNING last night. Talk about infuriating. When you do that, you deserve to lose.

Seems our little Star Star is in a bit of a slump, but that Darwin Barney continues to impress! Way to tell everyone that YOU are the 2nd baseman kiddo! And finally, FINALLY, Carlos Pena is starting to hit. The more he hits, the hotter he gets. And Rami was 3 for 4 last night-VERY fun to see because  2010 Rami was NOT fun to see. I find it mind boggling that Alfonso Soriano can make two BRILLIANT catches out in Left...and then fall on his ass and let a ball bounce over his head the next time the ball came his way.

Let's talk about Matt Garza for a minute. He cracks me the hell up. Dude is in the dugout-actually, standing in the dugout-yelling, clapping, cheering on his team mates. I think that's pretty darn awesome, don't you? I love that he's cheering his team mates on. Not only is that a way to impress your team mates, but it's also a way to impress your fan base. Well done, Mr. Garza, well done. Now if we can just do something about your chin pubes.....

Speaking of Matt Garza, he's pitching tonight. Can we get him his first home win already? Geez. I don't know much about this Jake Westbrook guy, but I hope he sucks tonight. Then again, he could give up three trillion hits tonight and it won't matter, because the Cubs love to strand runners EVERY.SINGLE.INNING. Yes, that bears repeating. The game is on ESPN tonight. Fan freakin tastic. At least I won't have to listen to those idiots on Fox Sports Midwest. Good grief.

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