Michael Earl....you are a giant TURDFACE!

So there.

Have you seen my broom?

I don't want to count my chickens before they're hatched (as a wise Mr. Polster advised me earlier this week), BUT, um.......the Cubbies could like totally sweep the Brewers and stuff today. Mama like. Even if they don't win today, they still take 3 of 4 and have widened their lead in the NL Central. Can't beat that with a stick!

How bout that Ryan Dempster? Could he BE any more awesome, eh? I heart Canadians. My co-favorite Canadian Cub pitches today, Mr. Rich Harden. For the love of God can we get this guy a win already? He hasn't won a game since joining the Cubs yet his ERA is hovering around.............1. Yes, 1. What's a brotha gotta do to get a win?

Says Brewers outfielder Corey "I wear my sunglasses at night" Hart-"They're the better team in July that doesn't make them World Champs yet." Um, true, but can we really listen to a guy who has LIGHTNING STRIPES SHAVED INTO HIS HEAD???? I think not. Hello, 1990 called and it wants it's TERRIBLE hairstyle back! Did anyone else notice the stripes in his head, or was it just me?

I'll stop the Cubs talk today with my thought of the day, and that is this.......this shit is gettin' GOOD. Stay tuned.

So, did I not get the memo that today is national Drive Like an A-Hole Day? How come no one told me? I'm talking people riding my ass (hey, I was going the speed limit, in rush hour, mindin' my own biz, yo), swerving and nearly hitting me, slamming on their brakes for no apparent reason. Irritating stuff to say the least. It's a wonder I made it to work alive this morning. Geez.

So, I got to talk to my sis last night. I love talking to my sis, I miss her lots and can't wait for Labor Day weekend when she and Jon will be here (yes, I miss my only brother-in-law too!). :) Sister, it's only another month! LOVE YOU!

Mama-I'm making that key lime cheeseball tonight, wish me luck. My mom bought me this key lime cheeseball mix last weekend when I was home with the belief that I'd actually have the skills necessary to make it. I'll try to not let her down. She even got me a way cute spreader that has limes on it...love it! Hope Branson was fun. When did my parents turn into Branson people? Is this what happens when retirement creeps up on you? Is that what I have to look forward to? Heading down to Southern Missouri to see Andy Williams and Shoji Tabuchi? Yikes.

Let the implosion begin...

Ben Sheets seems like a nice guy, but still doesn't stop me from being freakishly happy that he imploded last night in the 6th (with the help of some STELLAR fielding by Milwaukee's own Golden Child, Ryan Braun....NOTE: "stellar" was used in a sarcastic manner. He was AWFUL). I loved it. The Cubbies beat their neighbors to the north AGAIN, this time 7-1. They're now three games up on the Brew Crew and looking for more tonight when everyone's favourite Canadian, Ryan Dempster, takes the mound (well, he's my second favorite Canadian, first place belonging to one DJT). Could they have played any better last night? OMG, my favorite Cubbie, Aramis Ramirez, had four hits and was interviewed by WGN after the game....I have no idea what in the hell he was saying, don't care, he looked good. The game is on ESPN tonight (ugh, Joe Morgan), I'll miss a good chunk of it because I have to work at my part-time job tonight, but will high tail it home to catch the end and hopefully another win. GO CUBS!

Elsewhere in the world (and let's be honest, I am totally caught up in Cubbie World right now), life is good....busy, but good. Work has been fairly quiet (knock on wood), I'm taking care of Aunt Cheryl's flowers like they're my own (LOVE the gerbera daisies!), working out daily (who knew I'd actually look forward to a morning workout???) and just generally keeping busy. It's what I do. Mike is being a good boy and educating himself on the various candidates running for posts in Missouri (and by "educating" I mean he is selecting the best looking candidate....). I'm looking forward to a weekend of scrapbooking with the girls and going out with the Other Girls on Saturday night. I'm unfortunately working both Friday night and Sunday during the day, but that's cool. Whatever. Can you believe it will be August on Friday? Dude, WTF? How did that happen? Time sure does fly when you're old as hell............

CC who? CC what?

Um, how cute is Ted Lilly there in the background????


HOLLA! The Cubs beat CC Sabathia and his band of merry men last night. LOVE IT! Now granted, it's only the first of four games against the Brew Crew, but ya gotta like how the series started out! I know my dear, dear friend Mikey Poo doesn't like it when I talk about the Cubs on my blog, but what Mikey fails to get is that THIS IS A PENNANT RACE. It's important. Tonight's game is on WGN, I am super pumped, can barely focus on my work, cannot wait for the game tonight! It's Big Z, AKA "Crazy Carlos" against Ben Sheets. I say, BRING IT!

So, what else is going on in the world?

You know you're from Missouri if.....

Here's a little poking fun at my state......I've added my own comments in parenthesis.....



1. You've never met any celebrities.
2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip" (speaking of, I really wanna go on one...any takers?)
3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or SixFlags. (ugh, how many fine family vacations consisted of this one????)
4. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years AFTER they were popular. (HA! Remember Foreigner at the VP Fair????)
5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example,"Well, Webb City 's only 20 minutes away." (totally guilty of this one....for instance, I live about 30 minutes from work...)
6. Down south to you means Arkansas .
7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.
8. You know several people who have hit a deer. (everyone in my family but me....knock on wood!)
9. You think Missouri is spelled with an "ah" at the end. (NOOOOO! I HATE it when people pronounce it that way!)
10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold. (true)
11. You know what "Party Cove" is. (totally)
12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat. (again, true)
13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did you go to?" (isn't this more of a St. Louis thing?)
14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
15. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. (I have actually witnessed this, unfortunately.....)
18. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of day.
19. You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football.
20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.Example: "Where's my coat at?" (I am soooooo guilty of this one....)
21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,vegetable,or grain.
22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else should. (you mean people don't???)
25. You went to skating parties as a kid.
26. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. (I HATED that as a kid!)
28. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page, but requires six pages for sports. (OMG, so true!)
30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." ( south St. Louis only)
31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU. (can I get an "amen"?)
32. You think that "deer season" is a National Holiday. (school was cancelled for the first day!)
33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City andColumbia , and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and KansasCity,and the Warrenton Outlet Mall is halfway between Columbia and St.Louis. (don't forget about the McStop in Kingdom City)
34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.
35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
36. You've said, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity." (Umm...I think I actually said that today...)
37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Football.
38. You know if another Missourian is from the Bootheel, Ozarks,Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth. (SO true!)
39. You know that Harry S Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri .
40. You failed World Geography in school because you thought Cuba ,Versailles , California , Nevada , Houston , Cabool , Louisiana ,Springfield , and Mexico were cities in Missouri . (And they are! And I know someone from every one of those towns!)
41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor. (HA, this is SOOOO my home town...)
42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means. (Lamberts!)

Defy this!

So, I fessed up to my aunts the other day that I had entered the world of age-defying makeup, to which my Aunt Jan said "what are YOU doing wearing age-defying makeup?" (which is exactly what I paid her to say-good work auntie!). I mean, let's face it people, I ain't getting any younger (insert sarcastic comment HERE), so I've ventured into unchartered makeup territory. I mean, it's not like I even have any wrinkles (yet), but I figure it's best to take precautionary measures. The only thing keeping me from completely being depressed about my age is the fact that I don't look it. And I plan to keep it that way. Speaking of, I really need to call Alisa and get my six gray hairs covered up.....

So, the Cubs finally won last night and it was about effin' time. Geez o'Pete! Apparently, Alfonso Soriano was the missing ingredient (that's a lot of pressure for a brotha!). And kudos to Reed Johnson for the grand slam (does he still have that porn star moustache? I didn't get to see the game because I live in Cardinal Nation.....). I was feeling quite anxious about the situation as I watched CC Sabathia completely manhandle the Cardinals last night. Is this guy even human? Or is he from the planet Sabathia, where everyone is freakishly good at baseball? I mean, seriously, the rest of the Brewers could have just scored one run to get the win then sat the rest of the night out, enjoying some brewskys over at Hrabosky's. JJ Hardy could have just sat there and looked pretty. It would have been fine. CC was ON IT. I think I might hate him. It's only fitting since I hate the rest of the Brewers (read: insanely jealous because they are freakishly talented and are breathing down the Cubs necks). Ay yay yay, I love baseball!!!!!!

Ummmmmm......no

Cubs, this is NOT acceptable. I can feel Mount St. Lou about erupt from here. Y'all better be skurrrred. WTF? Are you seriously about to be swept by the D-backs? Do you know they are only a .500 team (at best)? You play your spring training in the desert for God's sake, so I thought for sure this was one road series you'd actually win. Apparently, I thought wrong. I may have to go on a Cubs sabbatical until they start winning again (yea yea, I hear the jokes now....SHUT UP!). :) Actually, I hope Lou does go off on them, or get himself kicked out of a game, whatever it takes. Not even this sexy picture of Rami could make me change my mind about going on a sabbatical......ok, maybe it could...... :)

So, last night as I was leaving work, I noticed that traffic was unusually heavy trying to leave Riverport (nothing but a bunch of office buildings and the local amphitheater). What could be causing such traffic? The answer soon became painfully clear as I turned on my radio.....apparently The Jonas Brothers were in town, so every single freakin' teeny bopper within a 100 mile radius has descended upon Riverport. Yikes. I laughed as I sat there, reminiscing about my days as a teeny bopper (and who am I kidding, I'm going to see my teenage loves, NKOTB, in November). As I passed one of the hotels in Riverport, I saw that several of the windows had Jonas Brothers posters plastered to the window. Really? Oh to be a teeny bopper again....... :)

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

I woke up this morning convinced we'd had another earthquake in the middle of the night last night. Nothing could convince me otherwise. Nothing other than the fact that we didn't. Apparently it was just some severe thunderstorms, but I swear my walls were shaking. Perhaps I should stop doing the crack cocaine before I go to bed, I don't know, but I'm telling you, something weird was happening. Granted, that "something weird" may just be me, but whatever.....

Cubs, could you break my heart any more? And what does Rich "Yes I'm Canadian and No I'm not Hurt...Yet" Harden have to do to get a break around here? The guy was LIGHTS OUT last night...he had a no-hitter through the 6th inning and only gave up one measly run (that happened to be the only run the D-Backs needed, but whatever). Cubs offense, where were you? Hello? Did you take the day off without telling anyone? Better not do that again because I'm thinking Lou's pissed. You don't want Lou Piniella to be pissed. Bad things may happen. Entertaining things, but nonetheless bad. The game is on WGN tonight so I will be fully prepared to watch a victory. Got it boys? Meanwhile, I watched the Brewers and Cardinals duke it out last night. I'm torn between who I should be rooting for because, let's face it, I want them both to lose. Knowing this is an impossibility, I focused on other important things while watching their game last night, like how in the heck could I have forgotten how hot JJ Hardy is. Or just how fat Prince Fielder is. Or the fact that in typical late summer fashion, Tony LaRussa's hair is becoming a bit mullet-like. Focus. It's a good thing.

Happy Birthday Alex P. Keaton!

Happy birthday today to my friend Alex. Dude, are you seriously still in your 20's? Such a child. ;)

Hope you have a GREAT birthday, sorry you don't get to see me. HA!

I found it!

I finally found my digital camera-after six long, picture-free weeks. Where was it, you may ask? Well....it was in the most obvious of places..........under my couch. I mean, duh! Why didn't I just look there in the first place? Dude, I was cleaning up a pile of magazines (getting ready to do my duty to Mother Earth and recycle, dontcha know), when lo and behold, there it was, just lying there. Hiding. Little bastard.

I'm sad that this weekend is already drawing to a close (why does that always happen?). I mean, it's been a good weekend, but over too quickly. Friday night, I ended up taking the lazy route and stayed home and just chilled. It truly was what the doctor ordered as I finally allowed myself to RELAX. That, and I ended up chatting with a certain Cute Canadian for, oh, three and a half hours....you know that TOTALLY made my day (my week, even!) as I never get tired of talking to him. ;)

Saturday was our monthly Girls Lunch. See the fam blog for details, but suffice it to say, Culpeppers does NOT have Coke salad dressing. FYI. ;) Oh Aunt Cheryl, we do love you so! Here are some pics from yesterday shamelessly stolen from the family blog:
This is me, my aunt Paula and my baby cousin Chelsea

It was a bit of a small group this month. From left to right is me, Aunt Paula, Chelsea, Aunt Jan, Aunt Mary and Aunt Cheryl. So much fun with my family-I love you all!

After lunch, I trekked on over to Maggie's for our monthly scrap-a-thon. I clocked in at eight hours of scrapbooking-not too shabby! I got a lot done, and more importantly, had a lot of fun with my friends. So much so that I ALMOST didn't mind that the Cubs have LOST TWO IN A ROW TO THE LAST PLACE ASTROS. Notice I said "almost". Dude, WTF? Are you trying to give me a stroke? Do you like seeing me sit uncomfortably as all around me laugh and say "ha ha, the Cardinals are only 2 back"? Do you like it when I get harassing text messages from my aunt telling me the Cubs suck? Do you? DO YOU? Don't let it happen again. My sanity (already a fine line to begin with) can't take it.......

Disturbing

I am deeply, DEEPLY, disturbed by the number of men in my office today who are wearing grass skirts and coconut bras (my dear, precious Michael being one of them). You may be asking yourself "just what kind of casual friday do they have over there?". Well, today we are having an island party courtesy of our higher ups who are recognizing that things have pretty much sucked here lately and what better way to acknowledge that than by having an island party! The dress code is seriously casual today.....Hawaiian shirts, leis, shorts, anything pretty much goes today. And that includes men in coconut bras. There is also a giant blow-up monkey in the break room...I'm making plans to steal it. DT asked me what I would do with a giant blow-up monkey. I don't really know what I'd do with it, but it sure would be funny to have. Don't you agree? I asked our Vice President if he would be doing a hula dance for us later (because, let's face it, I have no shame, of course I'm gonna ask the most important person in the building an ignorant question like that)-he said he'd need a drink first which I take to mean he could be talked into it.........It's actually quite good to see everyone in good moods and actually laughing. There hasn't been a whole lot of that lately. Stress will do that to you.

So, what is everyone doing this weekend? I may partake in a happy hour this evening (I haven't fully decided yet-laziness may prevail. And, if I'm being honest, I'd really like to be able to watch my Cubs on TV tonight....the All-Star break is finally over, it's time for the 2nd half baby!). Tomorrow is our monthly Girls Lunch with my aunts and cousins then it is Scrap-a-Rama at Maggie's ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. We are serious about our scrapbooking people! Sunday I have to work at my part-time job which is less than exciting, but what can ya do? I'm hoping to relax a bit this weekend because last weekend, albeit fun, was waaaaaaay too busy.

Happy weekend everyone and GO CUBS!

One more thing...

I forgot to admit something. I have a crush on Lou Piniella. I'm not ashamed. Yes, he's like a million years old and he's got that big ol' belly, but he's adorable. And fiesty. I like it. I don't care that he's older than my parents. Viva la Piniella!

KD's observations about the 2008 MLB All-Star Game

Yes, I realize that not everyone cares about the All-Star Game, but I do, and it's my blog, so get over it. No, I didn't make it to the end (15 innings, are you kidding me????), I did make it to the 11th (after I dozed on the couch only to wake to find the AL had bases loaded with no outs...). Here are the observations I made, from the way awesome parade to the game itself:

1. A-Rod talks like a woman. Who knew? Madonna's latest boy toy sounds more like he should be starring in some male revue. The Gays would love it.

2. You're not human if seeing all the old guys didn't make you tear up. Yogi Berra-are you kidding me? He is just about the cutest thing I've ever seen. Granted, he's like 107 years old, but gosh darn it, he's adorable. Did you know his wife's family is from Salem? Mom, remember when he came to your work? Hank Aaron was too cute for words, and my personal favorite, Mr. Cub-Ernie Banks. I want to adopt him. Can you do that? Adopt an old timer? That would be cool.

3. A lot of the older-but-not-elderly players looked, well, old. Rod Carew? Yikes. Wade Boggs? Ick. I must admit Ryno was looking a little rough as well. But that Mark Grace???? Still adorable and still looks like the guy I had a crush on 20 years ago.....Does Dennis Eckersly still have a mullet? DT-I saw that George Brett did NOT have his Golden Clipboard award with him-what gives?

4. Erin and I had fun texting back and forth about all the players, in particular the hot ones. It's official, we are now members of the Grady's Ladies club-that Grady Sizemore is H-O-T hot. And who is that Twins catcher? I don't remember his name but he was cute.

5. Let's talk about my Cubs. Dempster was LIGHTS OUT in the 9th, fanning the side. Big Z? Looked like the ace that we know he is in his two innings of work. LOVED when he threw at Manny Ramirez.....hilarious. Good thing Manny thought so too. I hear Marmol was great too (he was on in the 13th, long after this old lady had gone to bed). And could Geo Soto be any cuter? Even when he tripped in the first inning, ya just gotta love him! I made the comment to Erin last night that Aramis Ramirez was looking hot (I mean, DUH). I think we all know by now how much I love him. I especially loved Geo and Marmol, however. They just looked soooo happy to be there. It was cute. Kosuke Fukudome's baby is the CUTEST thing I've ever seen (even cuter than Yogi Berra).

6. The AL may have won (AGAIN) but I think the NL proved they are still a force to be reckoned with. HOLLA! I'm kinda glad the ASG is over because, it was really, REALLY painful to force myself to cheer for the likes of Ben Sheets, Lance Berkman and Chase Utley. Now, I can go back to hating them and cheering on my team in the second half!

Party at the Boysen's pics

The night wouldn't be complete without a party pic, now would it? Left to right is Val, me and Carrie. My hair looks black next to those blondies.......
me and Big Bastard, aka John, aka Val's husband....I think he was threatening to give me a back rub. Last time he did? I was in pain for two weeks and required a script for muscle relaxers.....stay away BB!!!!!!

Miscellaneous and incoherent rambling

Ok, here is the miscellaneous stuff going through my head this morning:

1. I need more caffeine.

2. Congratulations to my cousin Jeff and his wife Jessica-they are expecting their 2nd baby early next year-little Taylor is gonna be a big sister!

3. Happy Birthday to my Auntie C. Granted, it was on Saturday, but I wasn't home to do any blogging, so Auntie, you're getting your shout out a couple days late! Hope you had a great day watching all the grandkids!

4. The MLB All-Star game is this week. This means a couple of things. One, there are no games until Friday, meaning ordinarily, I'd have horrible Cubs withdrawals (and you won't have to hear about them on my blog for a few days-that one is for you Mikey!). I still might have some mild withdrawals, but the one thing tiding me over is the All-Star Game. Eight, yes, EIGHT Cubs will be playing tomorrow night. Mama like. My Tuesday evening schedule is cleared for this event.

5. Not to get too excited, but we are at the halfway point of the MLB season and folks, the Chicago Cubs are the BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL. FYI. Not that I'm excited about that or anything.

6. I need more caffeine.

7. I need a vacation.

8. Have I mentioned I need more caffeine?

9. I DEFINITELY need a vacation.

10. Where am I?

Loooooong, but fun, weekend!

Happy Monday everyone! I am a little miss cranky pants today. Work is busy and I hate it. Moving on, let's talk about something fun. This past weekend was some good times. Friday night was the Boysen's housewarming party (pics coming soon). Nothing like having Boogie force shots upon you (they totally tasted like grape cough medicine...um, yum???). Saturday was our Day O' Fun at the wineries. We had a particular winery in mind but when we realized they didn't allow you to bring in food, we skipped that one and headed to Mt. Pleasant.....good times were had by all, as you can see from the pics below.......
This is a group shot during our brief 20 minute rain delay. We headed for shelter near the bathrooms, where we made friends with a nice Indian couple (and pimped out Mike's birthday cookie for their wine). Left to right is me, Mike, Tanya and Don.
Here's me and the boys. Yes, Mike's shirt really does say "sometimes I pee when I laugh". Isn't he cute? :)

the boys. What is Don looking at????
There was an inside joke about the Townhouse crackers, only funny to those present, so I won't bore you with it. Here I am trying out for the roll of The Price is Right Spokesmodel........
Yes, Don has a bird in his pants. It was funny at the time. We stopped by an antique store in Augusta and found this bird to be quite entertaining......
I think this pic needs no further explanation.....
Another group shot, kinda dark, but you get the gist.....
Who in the hell was on on the phone with? This was WAY before the drunken text messages to a certain cute Canadian boy..... ;)
me and my boo....... :) This is a super cute pic!
Me and Mikey....again

Tanya and Don.
Me and Tanya....Don wanted a cleavage shot, and he got one. Nothing like hanging out with your Gays!

Really, San Fran?

Intentionally walk Derek Lee to get to Aramis Ramirez....really? Are you serious San Fran? You dumbasses (is that a word?) is all I have to say. Way to ensure your team LOSES. Rami show you who's boss with a nice little three-run homer. My man RULES! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

HA! Tanya, I was right!!!!!

Sample lyrics from the HOT 80's song by Toto, "Rosanna"

All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see your eyes Rosanna, Rosanna. I never thought that a girl like you could ever care of me Rosanna. All I wanna do in the middle of the evening is hold you tight Rosanna, Rosanna. I didn't know you were looking for more that I could ever be. Not quite a year since you went away Rosanna, yeah. Now she's gone and I have to say: Meet you all the way,Meet you all the way,Rosanna, yeah.

Toto is too a good band!

Ok, so I totally have the song "Rosanna" by Toto in my head. Not a bad song by any means, but I really don't want it stuck in my head.I heard it on 106.5 The Arch the other day and haven't been able to shake it. Tanya and I debated last night over what the actual lyrics are. Is it "meet you all the way" or "let's go all the way"? You decide......it's stuck in your head now, isn't it? You can thank me later.

Seriously my head may explode if I have to hear a certain doctor at work talk about his son playing soccer in Europe one more time. Thank God he will be gone next week. I'm not sure the man has anything else to talk about. Quite sad, really.

The weekend is upon us yet again. I love weekends. I am working my part-time job tonight until 8:30, then my friend Val is having a housewarming party, so I will stop by there, make my presence known. :) Tomorrow is Day O'Fun at the winery. Tanya and I are taking our gays out for a day of drinking (no wine for me, thanks), dancing and fun (there is band playing all afternoon, should be good times!). It'll be a continued celebration of Mikey's birthday (his birthday celebrations tend to last a week or so). Sunday I have my very first scrapbooking student. Yes, I am teaching my friend Michele how to scrapbook. It's a lot of pressure. She wants to make an album for her son's engagement party pictures, I hope I don't let her down. So, it's a busy weekend all around. I like busy, but I also like sleeping. Here's hoping I'll get to do some of that as well.

For the record, I am tired of the rainy, humid weather. It is wreaking havoc on my hair. I have those little fuzzies around the top of my head and my hair is roughly the size of Texas (Red knows what I'm talkin' about!). It makes me want to chop it all off (and no, DT, not women's softball player-style). :)

Pics of me torturing a small child......

Ah yes, I am soooooooo motherly. I mean, check me out holding little Brayden. I look like a natural, don't I? HA!

How cute is he?Not sure what's happening here, but he doesn't appear to be too happy....