why am I so sleepy?

I'm pretty sure I got plenty of sleep this weekend. Even with being oncall for work I still got plenty of sleep (it was pretty funny today when one of my staff called me at 10:30am to staff a case and asked me if they woke me up...I was like "uh...yes you did"). Maybe it's the weather. Been kinda chilly and cloudy all weekend. Had a nice low key weekend with J and his girls. You wouldn't believe it if you saw it-I COOKED. I know, it's hard to believe but its true. I was a bit nervous as it was decided that I would make homemade chili yesterday. The pressure was on. It's one thing to be cooking for yourself-if you ruin it, no biggie, it was just for you. It's quite another if you are cooking for you and three other people. If you ruin it, dinner is ruined for all. Luckily, the chili turned out pretty good. I don't know if it was the world's best chili, but it worked. Today I mastered grilled cheese. I know, you're thinking, Kerri, grilled cheese isn't hard. But you would be wrong. It is very easy to burn. Or not flip right. It takes mad skillz people. Trust me.

near death experience on the highway

no, it's not just me being my normal melodramatic self, I really did almost get into an accident on the highway. And it was totally NOT my fault-I swear. Here I was, minding my own business, driving down Hwy 44, I signaled to get over to pass this really slow car, when out of nowhere this crazy ass old man comes flying past the semi I was about to get in front of and comes flying into the lane I was halfway in. I had to swerve back into my old lane and felt my car start to skid. I really thought "this is it. I'm gonna die". Thank God I didn't hit anyone around me. After I got over my initial shock, I got mad. I believe my exact quote was "crazy f***ing old man". Then I went on a rant in my head about how old people shouldn't be allowed to drive. I'm sorry to the innocent old people out there, but this guy makes y'all look REAL bad......

I will definitely need a drink tonight. J-I'm buying. I need a drink.......and maybe a nap too....see ya tonight!

what a CRAZY night!

I should have known it would be a crazy week at the crisis line as it is a full moon week. But today by far surpassed any craziness I have experienced in quite some time, and that's saying a lot since I've been at the crisis line for over 5 years. We have had to call the police several times tonight, the phones have been ringing off the hook, and I can't even escape it when I'm off because I am on call all week. What's weird though is that it totally gets my adrenaline going. This is why I do this job. I may complain about it being busy but, really, I love it. The only problem with it being busy is that I don't eat. No time. Hey J-guess I won't be a fat ass anymore, huh? :)

bat out of hell

We have a bat loose at work. I'm not kidding. The mammal kind of bat. It apparently got in the building today when the main front door was open. Animal Control had to be called, however, they could not capture the beast. So, it remains somewhere in the building, current location unknown. My boss told me about it as soon as I walked in the door. Of course, my initial reaction was "what?" My boss then says "we have a b-a-t in the building". Yes, she spelled it for me as she was aware that I was totally wacked out on allergy medication and wasn't sure that I understood what she was talking about. She guessed right. I didn't get it. Management got mad at me when I started telling staff that it was a vampire bat. I requested backup when walking to the bathroom-safety in numbers. My co-worker Kim went out in the hallway with me. We searched high and low for the bat (I even kicked the plants thinking it may be hiding in them), but did not find it. My only hope is that I don't come face to face with the bat. That would be way uncool.

Upcoming 5K races-for a good cause!

Hey everyone! It's that time of year when area organizations host 5K races to raise money/awareness for their various causes.

Mark your calendars for Saturday, June 3. This is the annual NAMI Walk for the Mentally Ill. NAMI is the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Of course this cause is near and dear to my heart as this is the population of people I have worked with for the last 8 years. My co-workers and I will be there with our company t-shirts. This walk is great as it combines not only mental health workers, but also the clients of the various community mental health agencies. It is a 5K walk (approximately 3.2 miles). Its a great time, come on out!

Also coming sometime in June is the Race for the Cure. Most know what this race is about-raising awareness about breast cancer-something that could happen to anyone. Not sure of the date yet for this one, but you can bet I'll be there as I am every year!

Allergies are kicking my butt

Kleenex is my best friend right now. Seriously. I look like I have been crying for days-my nose is all red, my eyes are red and puffy. In other words, I am looking REAL hot right now. I am currently at work and doped up on allergy medicine. Stephen called in sick for the night so it is just me in charge of the entire call center AND I am oncall all week. Not good news. I am telling my staff now, if you do call me at 2am, don't be surprised if I sound crazier than usual. As soon as I leave here tonight I am popping some Benadryl so I can sleep without sniffling and sneezing all night.
Benadryl is the greatest invention ever. Seriously. I think the reason it works on your allergy symptoms is because it just totally knocks you out. You are so drugged up you don't even know you have allergies....it's good times had by all.

Pix of my cousin and his little girl

Just wanted to post a picture of my baby cousin Clint and his little girl, Kira. Yea, thats right-I called that big, tough Marine my "baby cousin"! Love ya Clint! Miss Kira is adorable as usual, has her daddy's attitude I see! Daddy does need to learn better ways to fix her hair though......

J is taking me out of my comfort zone...and it's all good

What a weekend! Whew! I am so exhausted right now as I am sitting here at work, got about 4 hours of sleep last night, I'm dragging but I think I'll make it! Had a couple late nights in a row, had fun though, so I'm not complaining. It was Ivory Tiger weekend at Eddie's. Always great to see Uncle Jimmy and the boys-loved some of the new songs! The best part of the weekend was getting to spend a lot of time w/J-seems like we don't often have time together just the two of us. Pop's was interesting (as usual). J-I'm glad I went. Granted we couldn't "go out" until 3:30am, but at least we got to hang together. Besides the people watching at 4, 5, 6 in the morning is unbelievable! Better than Eddie's any day!

J got me out on a 4 wheeler yesterday and I must admit, it was fun. Even when we flipped it....uh, yea...I have mud all over my clothes now-but it's all good. I was ready to keep going! Thx for the good times J-there will be more where that came from, I'm sure! Can't wait to hit the mud pits baby!

Encountered some drama on Friday but it's all good. Narcissistic people amaze me-you know who I'm talking about-those that think the world revolves around them. And so often, those narcissistic people have nothing to be narcissistic about. They truly have nothing of any interest going on in their own lives so they must butt in the lives of others and/or completely make stuff up. I guess J and I should be flattered that folks think our lives are interesting enough that they must talk about us and spread rumors and whatnot. Right, baby? :)

Anyone else's allergies out of control? I was miserable this weekend, sneezing and wheezing. It sucks. I think I'll just live in a Benadryl induced haze until the first frost......sound like a plan?

Here's to a good week. I know I will have one even though I am oncall for work starting on Monday and going until the next Monday. It sucks sometimes, but it's only every 6 weeks that I have to do it. Hoping for no 3am wake-up calls. I've got Book Club too-so not working Thursday. I just remembered that I am hosting too-better get my apartment cleaned up and visitor-ready! The rest of my time I just wanna hang with my boy and chill. Sounds like a good week, indeed!

more fam pix

My cousin Clint's little girl Kira-she's the flower girl in Red and Jon's wedding.
The April brides-my cousin's fiancee Jessica and my little sis!
Our annual Race For The Cure! Can't wait for it this year! June will be here before you know it!

random family pix

This is the REAL Uncle Jimmy!
Me and my mommy
Uncle Jay and Uncle Jimmy
My cousins Kelli and Jackie
Girl's Lunch at Casa

I wanted more pix of my family on here. Since I don't have a scanner it's difficult. So, I stole some pix from the family blog.....

Only three more weeks!

Wow! Only three more weeks until the big wedding! Red and Jon-you getting nervous? Jon, you stupid fool-you will be an official member of the family. It's not too late to back out you know! Just kidding! As crazy as our family is, they are the best!

how precious is my grandpa?

He's the only grandparent I have. I love him dearly!
Check out the Bud Lite bottle! Watch out-he may try to get you to do a shot with him!

Ugh-Grandpa may have been right all along....

Hey fam! Remember Grandpa's theory about his paralyzed cat being picked up by a hawk, thus explaining her injuries? Well, J found a picture that just may prove Grandpa's theory correct. Don't tell him.

What have I gotten myself into?

Boy do I have an exciting weekend ahead of me. Apparently, on Saturday J and I are going.......4 wheelin'. What? I know my mother is laughing right now...Yes, by birth I am a country girl, however, doesn't mean I am used to doing "country" things. People always thought it was strange that my first camping experience was when I was like 22. They'd say "but you grew up in the country". And???? As my mom would say "we are not a camping people". I think that goes for 4 wheelin', fishin', and hunting as well. Now don't get me wrong, there are some "country" activities that I enjoy-floating on the river in the summer time, bonfires, bbq's. The last time I went 4 wheelin was at Brant Schlieper's birthday party in high school. As I recall, we flipped the thing and someone (I can't remember who) ended up breaking a leg. Nice, huh?
Because I love J I will go. I actually think it will be fun. I don't care about getting dirty, or being outside in the rain. I just don't want to be injured in any sort of way. Or get mud in my eyes. That would suck.

Baby Gachie

How cute is this kid? He is the son of my friend Mercy. I have no idea how to pronounce his name. His parents are from Kenya, so I am assuming it is a Kenyan name. I used to work with Gachie's mom and miss her tons. She made the crisis line so much fun! The best was when she would teach Laura and I Swahili. I learned some great terms, such as "busu mutako yango" which, roughly translated means "kiss my ass". I also learned "kumbafu" which means "stupid". My goal is to become proficient in Swahili. I'm off to a good start, huh? Mercy-in all seriousness, I am so happy for you and Tony. Your baby boy is beautiful-I had no doubt he would be genetically blessed! I miss you girl and hope to see you soon!

think we'll run out of fat cat pictures?

further proof that I am an idiot

Most would be embarrassed to tell this story, but not me! Ok, so today I was getting ready for work, had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed (sorry for the visual). Anyway, as I was dressing I somehow dropped my undies in the toilet. It was like watching it in slow motion. At first I just stood there looking at them laying in the toilet. Then I started laughing out loud. I was alone in my apartment, laughing out loud. I am NQR (not quite right). Don't worry people, I did NOT dry them off and wear them (J!!!!). They are in the laundry now, as we speak. And how was YOUR day?

mohawks can be sexy....

The war is on.....

top these J! :)

psychic-and not in a good way

This freaked me out. Ok, so yesterday, for some strange reason, Dana Reeve, Christopher Reeve's wife, popped into my head. Out of the blue I thought about her. Then J tells me today that she died yesterday. I'm a little weirded out by it. Same thing happened this past summer-one of my old friends from Salem, Sharp, popped into my head-I hadn't even seen him in 3 or 4 years, and that very same day he was in a bad car accident. So-lesson learned is: If I tell you I'm thinking about you (only if its out of the blue), run.......and hide.

My boy is sick

Poor J-he don't feel good. I actually feel kinda bad for him. I knew he was really, truly sick when he didn't eat yesterday. People-this boy can eat, so I knew something was definitely wrong. Now, I'm not a doctor, but he clearly had quite a high fever (and all hell broke loose when the fever broke...). I'm going with the flu, but I could be wrong. How many hours in a row did you sleep sweetie? Like 20? He really is kinda precious when he's sick. He talks gibberish (more so than usual). You all know how boys are when they're sick. Anyway, I got him some medicine to take, hopefully he's on the mend now. And baby, by the way-if I end up sick because of you-I will kick your ass. I love you! :)

Happy Birthday Will!

My favoritest person ever, Will, has a birthday today! Happy Birthday darling! Hope you're holding down the fort down there in Farmington. I have even forgiven you for missing my birthday. It's because I love you so! Hope you and Trev can come to the STL soon! I miss you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL!!!!

No I didn't forget your birthday yesterday, just forgot to put something on my blog! Anyway, hope you had a great birthday girl! I miss ya tons! Tell Miss Claire I said happy birthday as well. I can't believe she is 5 now! Wow.

This one is for you J!!!

More tales from my childhood

As if you needed more proof that I am completely crazy (or as J would say, wacked out).....

So, when I was a little kid, I became convinced somehow that Satan was hiding in my room and was, in fact, going to show himself to me in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure why he chose me, but I was convinced. I would check the closet and under my bed a million times. Once in my bed, I refused to open my eyes because I just knew that would be the moment that Satan would appear. I would be awake most of the night as well, convinced he would "get" me if I fell asleep. Wow, reading over this I just realized how crazy I am.....

More tales from my childhood coming soon.....it's a never-ending source of entertainment.

In less than a month......

My Cubbies will be back in action! Yay! They are already showing some promise at 3-1 in Cactus League play. I cannot wait for the season to start!

Parker loses his first tooth!

This is a big moment in a 6 year old's life. The first missing tooth. My friend Carrie's little man is getting so big! I won't even get into how I remember Carrie being pregnant with him and remember him being born and now he's in 1st grade and losing his teeth? Where does the time go? Has anyone noticed that the Tooth Fairy is much more generous nowadays? I remember back in the '80's the Tooth Fairy gave ya a quarter. If you were lucky. Nowadays, kids get $1, $5, even $10. It's crazy I tell ya!

This triggers some PTSD symptoms for me. You see, I didn't lose my first tooth until 2nd grade. The kids made fun of me because I still had my baby teeth (they may have made fun of me for other reasons as well, but I wasn't aware of those). It was traumatic.

Anyway, didn't mean to make it all about me. Congrats Mr. Parker. You are the coolest 1st grader I know!

To my Lizzard (and Robyn too!).....

I am so excited you will be in the STL! I work nights all week, but am off on Friday, maybe we can do lunch? Whaddya think? Let me know. Do you have my cell number? Robyn, do you think that you and Lola could come into town on Thursday? I have to work at 3, but maybe we could at least do lunch? What about Friday? I want to be able to see both of you-I miss you guys sooooo much! Lizzard, I am glad to hear your mom is doing well. I continue to pray for her and keep her in my thoughts. I can't wait to see you guys!

How cute is she?

nu=3269>847>245>WSNRCG=3233568892<;7nu0mrj.1.jpg"> This is my friend Sarah's little girl, Elizabeth. She is too freakin' cute-just had to put her on the blog!

Washington Ave. will never be the same....

Wow Red-you and your girls sure do know how to party!!! There were times when I was laughing so hard at your antics (hello, Julie taking her bra off and standing on the bar stool....). I so can't wait to get the 2.5 rolls of film developed! I hope my sis enjoyed her bachelorette party. The bridal party worked hard to make sure she had fun. We had a great dinner-fun times trying to figure out just what the hell we were eating (I have never seen a Caesar salad look like that!). It was also Red's lingerie shower, so it was pretty funny to see all the other people in the restaurant stare at our table as she is holding up bras and undies and other unmentionables! Charlie our waiter was fantastic and incredibly patient with 12 obnoxious, intoxicated girls! For those of you in the STL-I recommend Mosaic. The food was good and the staff were amazing-very helpful. They took good care of us.
After dinner we moved on to a couple of other bars. Once at Lucas Park, things got a little crazy. In a good way. There were many, many drinks involved, not to mention several rounds of shots (by the way, I do NOT recommend a shot called Strawberry Shortcake-I get chills just thinking about it). Thanks to Angie for bringing along the Girls Night Out dare cards. Good Lord. I saw some things I never want to see again. I'll spare you the details. I will say that the girls obviously had fun. Alyssa and I were sober (although she did stand on a bar stool at one point, too....), and just sat and watched the festivities.
Sister, I love you dearly, but cannot believe you told that other bride that you are prettier than her...I was pretty sure we were gonna get our butts kicked-those were some big girls!
All in all, it was a good night. I woke up around 4am and had my sister laying right next to me, I was smashed in the corner of the bed in the fetal position. We were in an KING sized bed people. Girlfriend wasn't moving, so I got up and moved to the other side of the bed. LOVED the hot breakfast. Drury Inn rules! Sis, hope the night was all you wanted it to be!

Spawns of Satan....

Who agrees with me? Go to http://www.ihateclowns.com/ if you do! Come on people! Together we can rid the Earth of these evil creatures!

allergies=bad; Benadryl=good

Yup-it's allergy time. Yippee skippy. Dudes-I feel like crap. My day yesterday started well, but by the afternoon, I was sneezing and wheezing so much I took a nearly hour and a half nap. At church, I was so exhausted, I couldn't do the sit/stand/kneel thing-just had no energy. At that point, I knew what time it was. Benadryl time. I took it on my way home from church knowing it would take some time to actually hit my system, so I knew I would still be able to drive safely. Well, it clearly did not take as long as I thought it would. I don't think J knew what to do with me. I was just kinda mumbling and staring a lot. I was asleep by 10:30 and slept like a rock. Today, I still feel it flowing through my system. I am at work and am totally out of it (but still sneezing!), I'm also kinda cranky-probably from Benadryl withdrawal. I think I need detox.

maybe I should have given up road rage for Lent

I swear I didn't mean to call that guy on the highway a "mother f***er". I swear it. But if he hadn't been driving like an a-hole, I wouldn't have had to. I'm sure it's not entirely his fault that my normal 25 minute commute turned into a 45 minute commute. I don't know whose fault it was. I kept expecting the massive traffic jam to be because of an accident (never a good thing, but at least a valid reason for a jam) or because of road construction (always a possibility around here). But no. Neither of these things caused the jam. It appears nothing did. And then the above mentioned guy, driving in his giant black pickup truck, sped down the exit lane then squeezed in at the last minute to get back onto the highway. You know what I'm talking about-thinking their time is more important that everyone elses', so they drive on the shoulder or another lane and expect you to let them in. Well, I'm sorry-that drives me nuts. I try to be a fairly nice driver, but I absolutely refuse to let these folks in. I'm standing my ground. True, his giant truck could crush my little Crapalier, but at least I wouldn't have given up my ethics. Or something like that......

don't ask, don't tell

Yes, that's right, I did it

People, I said I was gonna do it, and I finally did. I got a tattoo. Don't have a heart attack mom, it's all good, and I promise I'll stop at one. It was an ongoing thing amongst me and my friends that I would get one for my 30th birthday. The original plan was to do this in Vegas. Well, Vegas fell through. The next best plan? Going with J to his "guy" (it pays to have connections people, got it at an awesome price). J got another one as well (actually two-they're pretty cool). Don't think I can keep up with him, but I am certainly not the tattoo virgin anymore (right girls? Sorry no Iron Age for me!).

So what did I decide to put on my body for the rest of my life, you may ask? Well, it's a shooting star. I let my tattoo guy have some artistic license in designing it and I must say, he did a great job. I love it. It's on my lower back. I've shown everyone at work-not sure how appropriate that is, but whatever. It is now in the midst of healing. Currently, the green part is peeling-it's really nice. Seriously.

You may ask: did it hurt? Well, let me tell you, it didn't feel good, but it certainly was not the worst pain I have ever felt, that's for sure. It was more like a burning sensation, and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, it was over. I definitely don't regret it.


P.S. if you see me driving by and notice I have a green frog lodged in the front grill of my car, do me an favor-DON'T ASK. Thanks.

another funny email

This email made me laugh too. Either I'm in a good mood today or just easily entertained...or both. Have fun!

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

4. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

5. When you are confused -- I will use little words (I'm confused a lot-this step would be really helpful-KD).

6. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

7. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass (especially if you fall UP the stairs).

George Carlin's new rules for 2006

My friend Erin emailed this to me. I thought it was funny, had to share with y'all!
KD

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket - water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

Showers, showers everywhere!

Wow, it was a wedding shower weekend! Back to back showers on Saturday and Sunday. Red, was someone feeling a little hung over on Sunday morning??????

Saturday's couples shower was hosted by friends of Jon's parents. There was a rather large amount of alcohol consumed that night. I knew we were in trouble when approximately two sips in to their Cosmopolitans, my mom and my sister looked at each other with silly grins on their faces and said "these are really strong". Uh, yea.......in their defense, they were strong, I had one and nearly choked on it. Mom went on to have one more and declared to me that she was drunker than she had ever been (like the public embarrassment mom???) and my sister bragged all night that her glass was never empty. My girls were not the only intoxicated ones-not by a long shot. Everyone there was pretty much wasted. I noticed this as I remained sober-the volume of the conversations got louder and louder as the night went on.

Despite all the drunken craziness, the shower went well. My sister and Jon received lots of nice stuff and bravely fielded questions from the peanut gallery. Thank God the questions remained fairly PC-I saw the horrified look on my dad's face a few times-he was a good sport though. Sister dear-thanks for our sisterly chats in the bathroom! I love ya!

Sunday's shower was just us girls. My mom and all her sisters hosted a shower for Red and Jessica, my cousin's fiance. Aunt Cheryl played hostess and had the mimosa's rollin'by 11am. Brunch was fantastic, and as Maid of Honor I got to sit at the head of the table (I figure as the 11th or 12th most important person at this wedding that I deserved this honor). Red and Jessica both ooh'ed and ahh'ed over their various kitchen gadget-thingy's (Pyrex for everyone!). I wrote down several of my sister's statements that will be used against her on Saturday at her bachelorette party (Aunt Paula and I laughed hysterically every time she said something that we twisted into a dirty/perverted statement-we're not right!!!!).

We're down to crunch time people! The wedding is a month from Wednesday. This Maid of Honor needs to go get her dress altered. Now.

PS-pics from the shower are located on the Family Blog (Sibs and More). Follow the link. It's very exciting.

I couldn't resist

Check out these pics of my friend Robyn and her adorable daughter Lola. I swear, Lola is one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen!

Uh oh.....

people, I discovered how to put pictures on my blog. now you're all in big, big trouble. check the pic of the possum and the Kotex. had me laughing out loud, I tell ya!

Non-word of the day

"Unrespondant"

Folks, I hate to break it to ya, but this is not a real word. Please don't use it in a sentence. This has been confirmed by both www.dictionary.com and www.urbandictionary.com (thx for your assistance Stephen). Thank you for your cooperation in this matter and God bless.

Application for entrance into the SKA School of Business

Dear Dr. Fuquad,

Hi, my name is Ms. DuMass, my friend Kerri recommended I contact you. I am a doctoral candidate at the FFT (fan-f***ing-tastic) School of Technology in Anytown, USA. My area of concentration is the study of socializationology (the study of socially socializing and the impact of this on society). It is a specialized field, there are only three people with a PhD in Socializationology in the United States.

I am writing you because I am interested in possibly combining my field of study with one of your more prestigious programs-the study of Certificatology. We at FFT Tech highly regard the SKA School of Business and I truly feel that by accepting me into your program, we can make the world a better place.

Please consider this my official application/request for entrance into the SKA School of Business beginning Spring of 2006. I look forward to your reply, Dr. Fuquad.

Sincerely,

Ms. DuMass, PhD candidate in socializationology

Possum clarification

I want to clarify that the "J" mentioned in the below Possum Story is in no way a reference to Jesse. I would never want to insinuate that Jesse may be afraid of some woodland creature. I chose "J" because, um....because it's my favorite letter. The story is, in fact, about a dude named Frank. Watch out for Frank people.

things you find out about people

Time for public embarrassment for J. Baby, I just gotta tell someone. Why not on my blog? People, J is afraid of possums. It's true. Especially big, 30 pound cat-like possums with razor-sharp teeth. Spread the word..........(I luv u baby!)

PMS Part 2

Such good timing. My friend Heidi sent me this email today and I laughed out loud. It's a must-read y'all!




Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as: Staying active during your period can relieve cramps. - Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches. - Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh. - Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

Obviously the person behind this was someone who has never possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman TO HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. See what happens and report back. I'll wait. While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-friggin-tee that the first responders will be females who just ovulated. Look, females don't need or want tips for living on feminine hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from their elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol. Printing out shit advice while sneaking in ads for the brand THAT WAS ALREADY PURCHASED is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and enough to send a girl running to the Always brand. Mostly we'd like to forget that we even need these products. It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the shit in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer. There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.

The ultimate goal of your product should be functional invisibility at every stage, including at the point of purchase. So take your tips for living and shove them right up your ass. Try drinking six to eight glasses of water to make you feel fresher while you're doing it!

Ovarily Yours,
Miss PMS

Baseball fever

Yes, it's that time of year. All MLB players have reported for duty at their respective spring training camps. It's time for baseball y'all!!!! I get so excited this time of year. As a Cubs fan, each spring is filled with anticipation and hope that this year could be "the year". True, this is pretty much delusional thinking, but it gives a Cubs fan hope. My boys are working out and practicing in Mesa, AZ as we speak. I'm a bit sad that I will miss spring training this year. Last year, my friend Erin and I trekked our way to Arizona to see the boys in action. My plan was to do this yearly, however, SOMEONE (my sister) decided they needed to get married this spring instead (I'm just kidding Red-you know I can't wait for your wedding!). I'll not say that my Cubs are gonna win anything. I will, however, go out on a limb and say I think they will at least be competitive this year. I think the NL Central is gonna be one of the best divisions in baseball. I can't wait for the season to begin. And Tim, I promise I'll sign up for your fantasy baseball league-when is the draft? Stephen-what do you think the Windians chances are this year?

Make sure to check out the latest poll-it's baseball themed!

Ick

Without providing too much detail, let me tell you this-the PMS monster has struck. Why is it worse some months over others? Ladies-y'all know what I'm talking about. Today I have experienced the following symptoms: road rage (J witnessed this), crankiness, sleepiness (still experiencing this one), no energy, limited patience, and wanting to eat everything in sight (which is not good as I have 5 weeks till my sisters wedding and need to be able to fit in that bridesmaid dress). Why don't boys have to go through PMS? It really isn't fair. True, they have to deal with us, but I truly think they should have to physically experience it. YOU try having cramps all day and having to deal with crazy people at the crisis line!

Happy 30th Birthday Stormy!

Hope you are having a great birthday Stormy! Welcome to the 30 and Wonderful club! It's exclusive membership-Robyn and I are already there-Lizzard-you're next!!!!

It's hard to believe-I have known these girls since we were 14 years old. To think that 16 years has gone by is amazing to me. Wow! So much has changed, yet we all remain friends and I hope it stays that way forever. Lizzard-I hope to get to see you if you come to St. Louis. Is your mom allowed visitors? What hospital will she be in? Let me know if you want me to "check in" on her for ya!

Stormy, I know you just gave birth and all (and little Maddie is absolutely beautiful, by the way-looks just like Chy!), but I hope you are able to have a nice relaxing birthday. Have Chy take care of ya! :)

Love all you gals and I hope to see you soon!

I'm back baby!

Whew! Long time, no blog. I am finally back at work after almost a week off. The ankle is getting much better-thx for all those that have asked. Lesson learned? Better start bulking up on the calcium. Seriously.

Hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day. Mine was great (other than the Great Ankle Incident of 2006). Got to spend lots of quality time with J. Thats what its all about people!

I don't have much to say today-must still be asleep or something. Plus I have a TON of work to do. Adios till later folks!

Happy Valentine's Day

Hope everyone has a fantastic Valentine's Day and that you are spending it with the ones you love! I'll be spending it with J. He gets to experience one of the rarest occurrences ever-me cooking. Yes, I am going to cook for my man. This may make or break the relationship. No, I am confident in my ability to impress him with my mad kitchen skills. This is gonna be fun..... better have a backup plan baby!

To those that are single, here's hoping cupid shoots you in the butt with his arrow!

birthday good times

What a great 30th birthday weekend! Thank you to everyone who helped me celebrate the very last birthday I am celebrating! It was so awesome to have so many of my friends and family around me. Made me truly feel loved and blessed to have all of you in my life.

My actual birthday was a great day. Got to spend it with J which was perfect. He gave me the greatest birthday gift ever-30 roses for 30 years. I loved them and have them proudly displayed in my apartment right now. I love you J! You are too good to me! Had a great dinner at Joe's Crab Shack-dude, I love that place! And listening to the conversations of the people in the booth behind us was good times! After dinner, we ended up having an unplanned drinking binge at the bar. Whew! Don't know what I was drinking, or exactly how much I had, but suffice to say, I felt every bit my 30 years the next morning! That was harsh!!!!

I got so many wonderful phone calls on Thursday. Got to hear from Canada who is in, well, Canada (aka Mr. Canada 2006-congratulate him next time you talk to him); my uncle Rich in Texas, my cousin Mike in S. Carolina. Also heard from Anita (Arkansas) and Eric (Chicago) as well as blast from the past Cortland. Thanks for calling guys-I love you all!

Saturday was a great day as well. My parents and Tim arrived at my apartment around noon. We had a great time shopping for parts for my dryer (thanks for the tool kit daddy! and thanks for working on my piece of crap computer Tim!) and having some lunch at Chili's (they have really good food! Had no idea!). In not so fun news-I'm pretty sure I gave myself a concussion getting into my parents van. It's two days later and I still feel light headed and dizzy. Not to mention the big knot on the top of my head.....

My party was great. I hit the Captain and Diet Coke early and often (not to mention those chocolate martinis-LOVE it!). My mother was drinking Captain which was scaring me a bit as mom doesn't drink often. Dad was cracking me up (did he really have to throw the stuffed mushroom?). Tim got a little drunk, I think, as did Red, or at least pleasantly buzzed. Everyone got to meet J. Seems it went ok. Denise was the Karaoke Queen-thanks for alerting the entire bar to the fact that it was my birthday! I got to be the center of attention after all! I can't wait to get my film developed. I have no idea what is on most of the rolls-can't wait to see what kind of craziness was recorded! I was just so happy to have everyone there! Sorry to those of you that I may not have been able to spend much time with. It is just so hard being the social butterfly that I am! :) Just know that I appreciate and love each and every one of you. Thank you sooo much everyone! Who turns 30 next?

As predicted...

Gary Coleman has won the poll! Congrats! New poll will be arriving shortly....

Birthday Eve

Sup everyone? Happy snowy Wednesday to all! Today is my manager Chris's birthday. If you see her, be sure to wish her a Happy 40th (ha! ha!)-Chris you look GREAT for 40! :) Tomorrow is the big 3-0 for myself. I suppose I am ready. I have about 6.5 hours left of my youth. I've been called "grandma" once today (thx J!) and my boss Bart told me I looked good for 35-thx for that as well!

The main thing I am looking forward to is having some time off from work. I'm not back till Monday. Good times. I am looking forward to the long weekend. It's gonna be busy but awesome-I will be surrounded by everyone I love-can't ask for much more than that!

Yo! What da hook gon' be?

Monday evening and all's well. I am very excited that I have a four day weekend coming up and only have to work two days next week. Cool!!! Birthday week is upon us folks. Here at work, we have my manager's birthday on Wednesday, mine on Thursday and my fellow supervisor Laura's (and my managers sister!) on Friday. Scary-three Aquarian's-we're a lot alike too, so it makes sense.

Found out my whole family is coming up this weekend. Very nice that they want to celebrate my impending old age! I'm sure mom will get a lot of "you guys look like sisters" on Saturday night. Think we can get dad to sing some karaoke? Maybe he can sing "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" to mom like he does at home! Mom/dad-I'm sorry in advance if I am a bit intoxicated that night. It can't be helped.

Well, must get back to work. I have a deadline to get all my January stuff done by tomorrow. No more distractions. Focus, people, focus.......

Hasselhoff and Gary Coleman are tied!

Who will win? You have until Sunday to vote!

T minus one week....

The big 3-0 is exactly a week away. My youth is slipping away from me quickly. To be honest, I think it slipped away a few years ago, but then I wouldn't have anything melodramatic to write about on my blog.

I actually feel older than dirt today as I have some sort of sickness (besides in the head!). Just feel achy, nauseous, and my head hurts. I left work early last night w/a 100 degree fever and was asleep by 8:30-9:00pm. It was awesome! I am back at work today because even though I feel yucky, I don't feel bad enough to justify staying home. Besides, I have a ton of work to do and would just feel guilty if I was at home, on the couch, in my jammies, reading People magazine and watching Lifetime movies (man, all that sounds really good....).

Big weekend plans, anyone? I am having a pre-birthday celebration with some of my girls on Saturday. I am gonna miss not being with J all night. Expect some text messages baby-especially after I start drinking! :) It should be fun. We are going to see another 80's hair/metal cover band. Shhhhh....don't tell Uncle Jimmy I am cheating on Ivory Tiger!

determianted

is not a real word. Pass it on.

By popular demand...

Ok, no one actually demanded it, but I am gonna tell this story anyway. It's called "The underwear and the grasshopper". Stop me if you've heard this one before.

It's another story from my youth involving my brother and his friend Jeremiah (see the hot water heater/big red ball story from earlier today). On this particular occasion, Tim (Timmy at the time) had Jeremiah over to spend the night. While the boys were playing outside, my sister and I thought it would be fun to play a practical joke on them. So (I know this is gross), we cleaned all the hair out of a hairbrush (making a hairball) and hid it in Jeremiah's overnight bag-apparently near his undies. Later that evening, we hear sudden screaming coming from my brother's room. The hairball had been discovered. While my sister and I laughed uncontrollably, the boys were apparently plotting their revenge. And revenge they got.

Later on that night, it was nearing bedtime. My sister and I (who shared a room at the time) went into our room to go to bed. As I turned on the light, I saw what appeared to be something jumping out of the corner of my eye. Then I saw it again. Holy crap! The boys had released LIVE grasshoppers in our bedroom and shut the door. My sister and I began screaming and yelling for the boys, who were, of course laughing their asses off. I demanded they capture those vile critters at once as this punishment was way too harsh for the original crime. They managed to capture all but one and planned to call it a night. Oh no, I said, you WILL find the other one or no one is going to bed tonight! Eventually the little jumping bastard was found and normalcy returned to the Davidson home. This story may explain why I am creeped out by grasshoppers to this day. I think I have PTSD.

Adventures in babysitting

There are reasons why my babysitting experience is limited. For some reason, the following story came to my mind today, thought it was funny, so I thought I would share. DISCLAIMER: All events, people, and facts of the story are 100% true.

One summer day, my sister and I were left to babysit our brother Tim and his friend Jeremiah, who were both around 6 or 7 at the time (meaning I was roughly 14, my sister 11). This was seemingly no big deal as Jeremiah was at our house a lot and the boys pretty much entertained themselves. Well, on this particular day, things got a bit out of hand. I don't quite remember all the details, but remember my brother running towards us (we were outside), tell us something had happened in the basement. My 6th sense told me this "something" was not gonna be good. So, my sister and I go inside and go down to the basement to find the hot water heater is spewing water like a geyser. I'm talking, the entire basement floor was covered with water. Not a good thing at all. I had no idea how to make it stop, so as the water continued to flow out onto the floor, I called dad at work (never something you want to have to do), needless to say he was NOT happy (I think he may have told me how to shut the thing off, I don't remember). So, he had to come all the way home from work (my parents live way out in the woods, coming/going to/from town is a bit of an ordeal) and clean up the flooded basement and fix the hot water heater. What caused such a leak, you may ask? Well, apparently Tim and Jeremiah were playing dodge ball (or something) in the basement w/this huge rubber ball (it was about 2 feet in diameter) and someway, somehow, the ball hit the hot water heater, thus the flood of 1989. I don't remember who got the blame, whether it was those horrible boys for misbehaving, or my sister and I for being the worst babysitters ever. Whatever the case, it is something I will always remember. The next installment will be a great story about underwear and grasshoppers....

The Kirkwood Wal-Mart IS open 24/7...

My job actually let me out in public today. Fools. I got to go on an outreach, it was nice to get out of the office for once although I have had a massive headache since I woke up this morning, so I wasn't sure how high my level of functioning was gonna be. Suffice to say, it hasn't been real high.

Good work on the Evite, Red! Nice nod to the singing of "Mountain Music". It is quite enjoyable to hear the Davidson sister's sing. If everyone is nice, maybe we will also treat them to a montage of tunes from the Grease soundtrack......Another treat is my boss Chris and I singing "Islands In The Stream", with me as Kenny and her as Dolly. Neither one of us knew the words (not even w/the prompter) other than the chorus, but it was still all good!

In other good news, I finally got the insurance check in the mail! Yahoo! Guess I have to actually go car shopping now. Further proof I need a new car? Over the weekend, the door latch-thingy was rattling and threatening to fall off (a Friday night trip to AutoZone took care of that one.Thanks J!!!!), then the rearview mirror fell off (to which I just laughed-not to worry, J put it back on), and the radio had some sort of a meltdown in which the clock said it was 1:00 (it was really like 7:00 at night) and the preset radio stations were jacked up. It's as if the Crapalier is saying to me "Please, just let me rest. Retire me. I'm old and tired and can't take it anymore. I've given you 125,000 miles, it's time for both of us to move on". And move on I shall......

If I get sick, someone is gonna pay...

Seriously, people. I had two staffmembers call in sick today for tomorrow. One has bronchitis, one has pnemonia. Great. So, I have spent approximately 6-7 hours today trying to get their shifts covered, because when you work for a 24/7 business, you have to be fully staffed. My head hurts now. I'm gonna stock up on vitamin C and whatever else is good for your immune system now. I am NOT in the mood to get sick. Do you hear me germs? Not in the mood! I'm gonna go disinfect the call center now.......

Things are looking up

Been a roller coaster last few days. I have spent the last couple of days working on repairing some very important relationships in my life. Life isn't always easy, and I found that out the hard way. The good news is, I have hope that everything is going to be alright. Not right away, but knowing all parties involved are willing to work on things, I really think it will all work out. Had a good talk w/my future brother-in-law the other day. It was weird having a conversation w/him that wasn't about my sister, but it was good. Thanks for the talk Jon. Also had good conversations w/my mom and my sister over the weekend. J and I had an up and down weekend but it seems to be up now. We had a good talk and I truly, truly hope things are back on track. Oh, and J-remember what you said would make a good blog subject today? I am NOT putting that on my blog-I still have the heebie-jeebies!!!! :)

Posting halted-temporarily

I haven't posted in a couple of days b/c I am very frustrated about some things and don't quite know how to put them into words. The blog is not an appropriate place to vent those frustrations. I know everything will work out in the end, but for now, there are some definite things I have to work through in my mind.

new poll

Stephen heavily influenced this one...it's been a long night, that's all I have to say.....and we haven't even been abusing pixy stix today....I'm thinking Gary Coleman is gonna win, but thats just my opinion.

Happy Birthday Sophia!!!!

I can't believe our little baby girl is ONE today. Time sure does fly! I remember when Sharon called me and told me I was gonna be an aunt...I almost drove off the road! I've only been able to see Sophia twice, but I truly believe she is the most beautiful baby on the face of the Earth! Sophia, your Auntie Kerri loves you and misses your mommy tons! Guess I'll have to plan yet another road trip....this time to Charlotte, NC! Sharon-hope the job hunt is going well! Talk to you soon!

I have the headache from HELL

Seriously. I was having a perfectly fine day till around 4-ish. Then my head began pounding. And the nausea set in. Our CEO says it's because I don't eat enough (I am now fully expecting my mandatory EAP referral), although I am eating as we speak (veggies and Lean Cuisine, don'tcha know?).

My boss was bragging about me today to the director, always a good sign. I'm glad she has noticed how productive I have been this week! I'm getting my reviews done all the while doing the other side projects that need to be done around the office. All with a massive headache. Am I cool or what?

Melinda-nice to hear from ya girl! Long time, no talk! How goes that dissertation (is that spelled right?). Is it butt-ass freezing in Green Bay? I had my sun roof open today.....

Only 16 days left of being in my 20's. Hanging on by a VERY, VERY, short fingernail....

I am the best employee ever!

Ok, not really, but my boss did meet with me today to go over my Six Month Review. Overall, it was pretty darn good, I was happy with it. Now if I could just master payroll, I am gonna ROCK!

Not much to report today, I have been working nonstop since I arrived at 3. Makes the time go by faster though. I received a call from my friend Robin whose 6 year old, Maryjane, got on the line and asked me to buy some Girl Scout cookies from her. Well, how could I resist? Besides....Maryjane is smarter than me. I think I am intimidated by that kid. Seriously.

Work has been reeeeeallllly busy tonight for some strange reason. Thank God Stephen is supplying me with Diet Coke. I may not have made it without it. I find myself having a headache and wonder if it is either 1. sugar withdrawal, or 2. too much caffeine. Whatever the case, it sucks.

Nice, relaxing weekend

Love weekends where you do absolutely nothing. Sometimes, you just need it. Spent the weekend with Jesse and his daughters. Had a nice relaxing time of watching movies, getting smoked at Monopoly by a 9 and 10 year old (although I think they didn't really understand the rules and I KNOW I didn't-so I just let it go. Monopoly is waaaaay too complicated), and watching "Betty Crocker" cook us dinner! :) FYI Mom-Jesse likes the Lucky Jew game, so if I am ever able to drag him down to Salem-it's ON with the Yahtzee (he has no idea, does he???).

I did cry this weekend. Got my mail yesterday and saw that I had received the invitation to my sister's wedding. Now, everyone knows I have been sappy about this from the beginning and I have even seen the invitations already, so it shouldn't have been a surprise. However, seeing the actual invite made it all the more real and I realized, my baby sister is gonna be a married woman in just over two months! How time flies, huh? It's gonna be a rockin' good time!

So, another work week has begun. I must keep this short as not only is it payroll day (it seems like it is always payroll day....) but I am having to do everyone's reviews. Now that they are written, I have to meet with everyone individually and go over it and get them to sign their lives away. good thing I have the book "Helpful Phrases for Writing Performance Appraisals". Comes in handy. Big words and whatnot.

Thanks to Red for making my birthday party preparations. You ROCK and you are the best sister ever! I love you!

Happy 30th Birthday to Dr. Mike AKA my much, MUCH older cousin...

Ok, so 18 days isn't really "much" older, but it's still older (and I'm still 29!). Seriously, cousin, hope you are having a GREAT birthday today! Look at all you've accomplished in 30 years-you've become a doctor, married a great gal, and moved to paradise (AKA Beaufort, SC!!!!). You've got it all man (not to mention your kick ass family you have!). Did you feel any different today? Get any new gray hairs or wrinkles? Does 30 freak you out at all? I'm getting less freaked out about it, mostly because I have no choice in the matter. I think the fact that life is great right now really helps the transition into a new decade. Or something like that...

Anyway, Mike, have a great day, miss you and Kim tons! Tell Beaufort I said "sup".

Love ya!

Kerri

Pixy stick high

Stephen brought me one of those giant pixy sticks today. Remember them? About two feet long in a big plastic tube? Approximately a pound of pure sugar? Yea.....he had been bringing in the normal sized ones daily and sharing them with me (because everyone loves Kerri on a sugar high!). I think we met our match with the giant pixy stick, however. After working on consuming all the sugar after about 30 minutes, we both hit a wall. I had to stop. Never got the high I was looking for. Instead, I think I am in a sugar coma. As we speak.

It was snowing on me...from INSIDE my car!

Seriously, the Crapalier's days are numbered. Found out today the damage estimate is $1,580. Nice. They didn't total it though, which made me laugh. The insurance company is trying to tell me that my car is worth $3,000. I laughed out loud. Clearly they don't know about the trunk, CD player and air conditioner-all of which do not work. Fools.

So, I will begin car shopping soon. I can't handle many more days of the elements (rain and snow) INSIDE my car. It's just not cool.

Happy Birthday today to Carrie's son Reed. Can't believe our boy is 4 already! Happy birthday you handsome little man! Hope you have a great day!

Lizzard-let me know when your mom's bone marrow transplant is. Do you know what hospital it will be at? I will definitely be there for you, if there is anything you or your family need, let me know ok? I continue to keep your mom in my prayers. And I agree, we need a little weekend trip for the girls. Maybe after Stormy has the baby-sometime in the late spring/early summer, perhaps? I miss you guys so much! Can't believe it's been like two years since we've seen each other!

new poll

It's car themed. Go figure.

Happy Birthday shout outs.....

Happy Birthday to my cousin Jeff, better known as Baby Jeffy (can you still call someone that when they are 28 years old???). Hope you are having a great day! And Happy 30th birthday to my friend Robyn (even though it was yesterday). 2006 is the year when myself and most of my friends will be turning 30-Robyn is the first one. She and I have been friends since 9th grade, and even though I don't get to see her often, we still remain friends. I love ya and miss ya Robyn! Must get together soon!

"The Ghetto-lier"

My car has a new nickname (thanks Val!). This getting your car fixed stuff is a huge pain in the ass, although the guys at the collision center were really nice today. The dude was like, "uh, we need to take a picture of your mileage". So, I looked at him and said "well, if you can get that door open, be my guest" (I really didn't think this 6'5", 250 lb. guy would want to slide across the passenger seat to get to it). Needless to say, he politely declined once he learned for himself that my drivers side door truly does not open.

And Canada-the Dukes of Hazzard joke does too get old. If I have to climb across my car one more time I'm gonna get cranky (not really, but it really is kinda annoying, not to mention that people look at me like I'm a bigger freak than normal). Man, my life is never boring, that's for sure.

Kat-good to know your girl is safe. I think she is in the best place for her right now. She should get hooked up with some resources while in there, if not let me know and I'll pull some numbers from work.

My advice for the week: Be careful out there, people.

May the paralyzed cat rest in peace...

Grandpa's paralyzed cat died on Friday the 13th. He is very sad about it. Not to get into too many gruesome details, but basically the cat started convulsing, Grandpa attempted CPR (picture THAT for a moment), but the poor crippled thing didn't make it. As Jesse so nicely put it, Grandpa didn't even get the chance to build it a kitty wheelchair......

How was everyone's weekend? Mine was good, went by way too fast, but it was good. Me and Jesse's "day of fun" yesterday turned out a bit differently than planned but it was still good. I learned a lesson yesterday-be careful what you wish for. My dumb ass had been talking about how nice it would be if someone would hit my car, not enough to injure anyone, but just enough to total it out so I can get a new one. The piece of crap is only worth $1,200. Well, folks, my wish came true in the Quik Trip parking lot in Madison, IL. Here I was, minding my own business, stopping for my daily Diet Coke, I opened my door, sat down in my seat, went to put my purse down and get my precious Diet Coke in the car when all of a sudden this big, black F150 comes pulling into the spot next to me and slams into my drivers side door, nearly ripping it off it's hinges (ok, that part was a bit overdramatic for effect, makes the story better.....he really did slam into my door tho). I get out to survey the damage, and it didn't look good. And the door wouldn't close. The stupid kid that hit me was like "uh sorry man, my dog jumped in my lap". I don't care fool! So, we did the whole insurance exchange thing, the kid advised me he would prefer to pay for the damage out of pocket rather than have to go through his insurance company. I politely advised him that was not an option, but thanks for trying. Then there was the challenge of, how am I gonna drive on to Granite with a door that won't close? The kid tried to help me close it, just kinda wedged it in a bit, but it was still open a couple of inches, wasn't gonna open on the highway, but cars kept honking at me to let me know my door was open. No s**t people!!!!! So, I got to Jesse's house who was nice enough to smack my door around w/a hammer and some other man tools so it would at least close and not come flying open while I was driving (thanks sweetie!). The fun part? I now have to get in my car via the passengers side door. So NOT COOL. The "Dukes of Hazzard" joke got old after about the 12th time of hearing/saying it....so, now I am waiting for this dude's insurance company adjuster to call me back and let me know where I can take it for a quote. What a pain in the ass. Until then, my ghettorific car just got more ghettorific (the non-opening door is in addition to the non-opening trunk, the non-working air conditioning and the non-working CD player). Poor Hot Mama.

After an obnoxious trip to Big Lots last night (I was following this dude around) we ended up going to see Ivory Tiger (for the 2nd night in a row). I was happy to see Aunt Diane there (who broke the devastating news about the dead cat), it was a good time. Especially when the GC cops kept showing up.... :)

I am at work now. I always walk in on Sunday's w/a ton of crap to do, today would be no exception. Must get back to the grind. Have a good week, y'all! Keep your fingers crossed that my car is totalled!!! (I have a sinking suspicion it won't be, but a girl can dream...)

Hyper is my middle name today....

Wow. I need to calm down. People in the call center have threatened to smack me. It's not my fault-its the fat free cappucino from Quik Trip that did it......yes, I am bouncing off the walls and have been all day. It's all good-makes me waaaay productive at work because I type so freakin fast. And, to top it all off, I walk in to work today and there were Skittles and Starburst laying on my desk. I don't know who the mystery candy fairy was, but clearly it was in the cards for me to be hyped up today! Plus in 5 short hours my weekend can begin-yahoo!

trip to the hometown

I wish meeting J's family was under better circumstances, but I am definitely glad we went to his grandma's wake last night. J-you were cracking me up-you were so nervous and chatting a mile a minute on the way there-I have never heard you talk so much! It was cute! I'm glad J got to say goodbye to his grandma and see his extended family-they were all really nice and seemed to genuinely be glad to see him!

Work has been a bit busy thus far-I have been on the phones much of the time. It does make the time go by faster, but I have way too much to do to be taking calls all night! Already had to talk to a dirty perv today and it isn't even dark yet.......

Mom-are you sure that email address you sent for dad is right? It didn't make sense to me.....and is he really going to check it?

To my sweetie

J-I am so sorry about your grandma. I know how much it sucks, I've been there, and I know your mind is in a million different places right now and I'll give you all the time and space you need to sort things out. Anything you need, just ask ok? I will always be there for you, no matter what. Your happiness means a lot to me, and I told you before, if you are hurting, then I am hurting. You are in my thoughts tonight and I can't wait to see you later. I know I can't fix it, but maybe I can help just a little bit by being there. I love you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN!!!!

To the most fabulous co-worker ever-hope you are having a great birthday! Hope you are having a great day off and spending time with your little family! Your birthday only reminds me that mine is exactly a month from today. Yikes. The big 3-0 is looming on the horizon....damn.

Another good night at the crisis line

Well, I've been a busy little bee tonight, but it's all good-I LOVE being productive at work! Gives me a sense of accomplishment. I completed everyone's time sheets-I'm a regular pro at this now. Working on writing everyone's Six Month Reviews which is always fun. I've only got 14 to do. Wish me luck.

Had a good weekend. After our whirlwind trip home, I rushed back to meet up with my boy. We had a lovely double date w/his friend Alex and his g/f Ashley. Tried to see a movie, but it was sold out. It was a fun evening anyway. Jesse was way freakin' hyper! He was cracking me up! Silly Cute Boy! I was oncall for work so had to be pretty low key, got a couple of calls, no biggie though. I just had fun being w/my boy.

Here's to another good week! I get the pleasure of picking up my bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding on Friday. Early reports indicate the dresses are running a bit tight-GREAT. Red is already prepared for me to have a breakdown at the dress shop, so I will have her work number on speed dial that day. Thanks for being such a good sister, Red! :)

Fun times in Salem,Mo. with Operation Surprise Ken

Wow. Never a dull moment in Salem (never thought I'd say that!). Actually, it's never a dull moment with my family.
So, we started the day by Red, Jon and myself driving to Salem. I got the pleasure of riding in the backseat with Chloe The Drooling Dog. Jon and Red had warned me that it's not so much drool as it is a shower of doggie spit. I couldn't wait. Chloe surprised me though. Once we hit the highway, she slept in my lap. That is, until we hit Hwy 68 in St. James. Then she began to hyperventilate and the stream of drool began (the road is quite twisty-turny. I actually got quite car sick and had to shut my eyes until we hit Salem).

Once in the big town, we went straight to Wal-Mart to meet up with Tim. We thought all we had to do was pick up the TV for dad and head to mom and dad's house. Wrong. Turns out, Tim hadn't even paid for it yet, nothing was done ahead of time, so we had to take care of those little details. I ran into this guy Chris who I went to high school with who says "I hear you're getting married". What? I asked where he'd heard that rumor since it was news to me. Apparently so-and-so told him. I wanted to know where so-and-so got their information AND why so-and-so was talking about me, why was I the subject of rumors in a town I don't even live in anymore? These questions remain unaswered. Anyway, we rolled the TV and stand outside and realized the TV did not fit in my sister's Jeep. Plan B. Luckily, dad had left his truck parked at the bank across the street (he and mom were on a hot date in Rolla for their 33rd wedding anniversary. They were doing dinner and a movie-isn't that cute? I totally predicted where they went to dinner-St. Louis Bread Company. Dad called it "Pantera's". Tim was like "uh, dad, thats a band....did you mean "Panera's"?), so we stole the truck and put the TV in the back. I got put in charge of driving the truck (always an adventure) and off we went to mom and dad's house. Once there, the dogs greeted us and freaked out seeing Chloe in the car. It was some good times. We unloaded everything only to discover that neither one of us had a house key. Nice. On top of that, I was walking across the yard (a mistake in the dark) and nearly stepped on a dead squirrel. That was real nice. So, we had to all drive back into town, find my brother who had the sole house key, drop off dad's truck, and finally go back to my parent's house.

From here, my sister and I "supervised" while the boys put together the TV stand and moved the old TV. We were on a time crunch as we expected my parents home around 10:00. We were so excited-the new TV looked great. When mom and dad walked in, dad's first reaction was "what are you guys doing here?" Then when he saw his gift, he said (as I totally predicted) "you guys don't have any money". I think he was genuinely shocked though and pleased. He is watching his new TV as we speak. We done good. We spent the rest of the evening watching Chloe and Stubby chase each other around the house (way too funny) and we crashed out by midnight (that damn country air).

Saturday, thus far, has consisted of mom and dad getting everyone McDonald's and all of us sitting around the dining room table listening to dad tell his various stories. It has been perfect. I love my crazy little family.

All surgeries went well

My uncle got out of surgery about an hour ago and is doing great! Thank you God for watching over him and guiding the doctors taking care of him. I talked to my aunt who obviously was relieved and seems to be doing ok. We are such a close knit family-if one of us is stressing or upset then we all are. That's what family is for. Also, our family friend Dan is doing great as well, turns out his heart problem wasn't as bad as they thought it was. I am so happy everyone is doing ok and I pray for continued recovery!

Random quote of the day

"Little girl, don't touch that squirrel's nuts"...................Johnny Depp as "Willie Wonka" in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Crazy in Love Part II

I am soooooo in love with my boy! This whole thing is freakin' crazy, but in a really, really good way. Jesse-your card made me cry, dammit! I am such a sap in my old age. Your gift means more to me than you could know. It is still weird to me to have someone be so in to me and me so in to them. This is gonna be a fun ride.

Sorry this blog has turned so sappy everyone! I just can't help it!

hot product alert

Oh my God girls-I have the best lip gloss ever. It was given to me as a gift and I now think it is the greatest thing since sliced bread. You can find it at Bath and Body Works. It's called mentha lip tint by CO Bigelow. It's peppermint flavored and also works as a breath freshener-pure genius! I know my sister is a fan as well as some of my girls. It comes in clear and different tints as well. You ladies all know how important the discovery of a fabulous beauty product is. I just had to spread the word!

Oh yea-as much as I talk about crack and crackheads, let me tell ya-I talked to a for real crackhead today on the crisis line who was high at the time. Now he was some good times. He asked me if I was straight and if we could talk about certain sexual positions, when I politely declined to do so, he said "f*** you" and terminated the call. Ah....all in a days work. And how is YOUR job?

Thoughts and prayers go out to Dan and Uncle Nick

I know I've noted this before, but just want to get some prayers going for our good family friend Dan and his family. Dan is having heart surgery tomorrow at Mo Baptist hospital. I pray for a successful surgery and speedy recovery!

Also, my Uncle Nick is having a quadruple bypass on Thursday at St. Mary's hospital. I hope and pray that everything goes well and he will be back to his duck hunting self soon! Aunt Cheryl-don't worry, he's in good hands!

I could never be a crackhead

Seriously, I get buzzed taking Sudafed. The non-drowsy kind. It's actually pretty sad.

Attention K-Mart Shoppers.....

........I have an announcement to make. I want the world to know (ok, at least just those that read this blog) that I LOVE JESSE!!!!!!!

This boy has made me crazy (crazier than normal), and I like it! J-you told me to be open and honest about how I feel....nothing like a public shout out to let ya know! Try and keep up...... :)

Happy Freakin' New Year Everyone!

What's up, party people? Happy New Year! Is everyone hung over? I'm not too bad, but I'm not gonna lie-this girl PASSED OUT last night. Too much Captain Morgan I guess. Or hangin' with a certain Cute Boy... :)

Hope everyone had a good and safe New Year's Eve. I spent mine in the great town of Granite City and had a fabulous time. Ivory Tiger was rockin and my boy was lookin' hot. What more could a girl ask for? And for the dudes that bought me the shots-thanks, but no you can't have my phone number. Nice try.

I wish everyone a fabulous 2006. It's gonna be a great year, I can feel it! To my girls-we MUST get together soon-I miss you all! Let's all get geared up for my 30th birthday bash-it's gonna be ON people! Krista, I'm down for that happy hour on the 13th-just remind me, my days tend to blend together nowadays (and its ALL GOOD), just one fabulous day to the next. I love you all!