Please don't touch my private parts

OMG, I swear I have never laughed harder in my life than I did tonight during my dinner with Renee and Heidi. Wow. My sides still hurt. You know most things are only funny if you were actually there. When you re-tell it, it just doesn't have the same "umph" that it did when it happened. That being said, let me tell ya all about it:

We met at our favorite neighborhood place, Biggie's, and quickly placed our orders-including the infamous waffle fries. I ordered first and told the waitress I wanted the chicken and broccoli, to which Renee replied "chicken and broccoli, what's that?". To which I replied, "uh....it's chicken.... and broccoli". We then cracked up and she called me a smart ass (go figure!). Later, a group of people walked past us to get to their table (the place is kinda small and all the tables are pretty close together), as they did, Renee "accidentally" elbowed the guy in his, um, area. She then says "I think I just elbowed him in his package". Again, mass laughter. After we calmed ourselves down from that one, we talked about normal stuff, you know, like what Heidi is going to name her baby (she won't tell us) and about her husband John being attacked by drug dealers (true story, he's ok, I'll leave it at that). Heidi then gets up to go to the bathroom (as a pregnant woman who just drank like 10 glasses of iced tea will do) and says to Renee before she leaves "please don't touch my privates". Yep you guessed it, again, mass laughter. I love it. Those girls are some good times.

Oh yea, I totally forgot to tell y'all about how I totally busted my ass yesterday in the parking lot at work. Yep, down on the ice I went. Landed on my left side, thought "ok, my pants are a little wet, but I'm fine", no biggie, right? When I got to the crisis line, my friend Tanya goes "why do you have dirt all over your pants?". Uh yea.....and today? A massive bruise on my upper leg and my knee. Oddly enough, they don't hurt. You see, when you injure yourself as often as I do (and not on purpose), you tend to not feel the pain any longer. Frightening, I know.

Well, I know it's friday night and I should be out "partying", or something, but I just don't have it in me tonight. I'm old, DAMMIT! I'm actually quite exhausted and the only thing I can focus on is reading my magazine then going to bed and sleeping as late as I want tomorrow. It really is the little things in life that can make you happy.......I lead an exciting life, don't I? Admit it, you're jealous.